With Gratitude

Several times this week I found myself talking to people overflowing with gratitude to the Lord for how he has moved so specifically and directly in their lives. It is always such a privilege to have others share their stories, and it is encouraging to hear stories of how God is at work--it helps to keep that "big" picture of the body of Christ, and a God who never slumbers but is always watchful and caring.

Earlier this week as I met with a soon-to-be-bride to discuss wedding flowers, she shared with me how she and her groom had met. This is an older couple and not the first marriage for either of them. There was such a glow on the bride's face as she spoke of how good God was to bring them together, how thankful they are that they get the surprise of a marriage at this point in their lives, how thankful they are that best friends get to be married. It was so moving. I am so privileged to be a part of this celebration!

On another day, as I spoke with a co-worker who is employed by the brother of my employer--same industry, but different city (got all that?)--she was sharing the excitement of how God had closed some doors and opened some others. She and her husband had been praying about direction and help in re-ordering their lives and cutting back somewhere. Without prior indication, God made it evident just this week that it was time to move on from her job and step into the unknown. She isn't quite sure what she will be doing next, but there is such peace for her because God made it very clear it was time to be released from her job.

A few days ago, I spoke with a friend whose desire was to move to another part of the state, although not all the family members were on board with the idea. There was tension between the spouses as one was very eager and ready to move, the other was not and didn't know if they'd ever get there. After a day of fasting and praying about it, the couple came to agreement and are excited to plan a move to central Oregon next year. What's even more, the kids are all very excited too. The wheels were set in motion this week to buy property in their new home town. They are all so grateful to the Lord for moving in their hearts to come to a place of unity.

In my own life, I have been praying about my job situation, about direction for ministry, service, life....etc. The Lord has give direction clearly on that as well. You all know my desire to find a different job, but the Lord, for now has let me know I need to stay put...for whatever reason. In fact, the same day I felt this confirmation from the Lord, I was surprised with a raise in pay. My heart's desire is to still be involved in some other kind of work (eg, not clerical and not with insurance), and I still talk to the Lord about this, but I am also content and willing to be where He has me right now. I'm thankful for this job, and I trust Him and believe he has me where he does for a purpose.

Also, my husband and I have been talking about moving and daydreaming about where that might be, how that fits in with school for the kids, where do we want to end up, etc. Just thinking "out of the box" and not limiting where God might want to put us, but praying and being open to whatever he desires for us. We've been doing some looking around in other areas which would mean new schools, new church, new work (for me) and new friends for all of us. So far we haven't gotten the "go ahead", but rather, a "stay put" for now. We're praying that we will be sensitive to the Lord and open to what he has for us, even if it means staying put and continuing on where we are. So that in itself is an answer, and we are grateful.

How have you seen God working directly in your life this week? What are you grateful for? Please feel free to share your story of gratitude with me and others by leaving a comment.

Cheers from a Cloud of Witnesses

Our pastor finished up his series on "The Race of Faith" this weekend. It has been a great series. You may remember some of my previous posts where I shared some of my thoughts (Hitting the Wall and Abrahamic Faith and Cleaning Out the Closets)and the "heroes" we examined in Hebrews 11 in the Bible. I have some final ponderings on the subject that I'd like to share. Although as a kind warning, they may be a little disjointed and rambling...things are not "flowing" out onto the keyboard this morning!

In thinking over the past many months I can see how my faith has been challenged, how it has grown, how it is being stretched and increased. After last night's message, the words of scripture in Hebrews 12:1-3 as well as Pastor John's, have been weighing heavily on my mind. This sensation I'm experiencing isn't the remnant of a great evening of worship (which it was) or the sweetness of fellowship with other believers (which it was), or the beauty of the warm day (which it was), but rather an understanding that I'm being called into action in some way. That something is being required of me. I hear the questions in my spirit, "Cheryl, are you getting this? Are you paying attention? What are you going to do with this?"

What has lingered in my mind and spirit is the understanding that we are all a part of something greater than ourselves. (I know, pretty rudimentary.) What has especially struck me, or the 'light bulb moment' for me was that I am a continuation of what the heroes of the 'Hall of Faith' did centuries earlier. There is a "cloud of witnesses", as Hebrews 12 calls them, that is cheering me on to stand firm and be faithful. These witnesses are the likes of Abraham, Moses, Joshua and on and on.

As our Pastor said this "race of faith" is a relay race where a baton is passed repeatedly, not a one man or one woman sprint to the finish line. Too often I live life like a sprint to the finish line. 'Let's just get done what needs to get done and get on with things.' I breeze right by the connected-ness of my part in the body of believers, or the grand scheme of things as God sees it. He wants me to be faithful in in every aspect of my "ordinary" life. Too often I compartmentalize things as "spiritual" or having eternal impact, and then view other things, like my job, or grocery shopping, etc., as just part of life and nothing that is of much consequence. But when I think about the men and women of Hebrews 11, I see that God seeks out ordinary people, who live ordinary lives, yet who are ready and wanting to be obedient and faithful, and trust God to do the extraordinary.

At the heart of things, I want to be a good team member. I don't want to let my other team mates down. Teammates like Joshua or Gideon, or my sister in Christ sitting next to me in the worship service. I don't want to fail my leg of the race by dropping the baton.

In an abstract way, I can see a lot of these principles in action as I work on 'Charlie Brown'. I was on my way to rehearsal Saturday morning when I was extremely convicted about my lack of commitment to prayer over this production. On occasion I have voiced prayers like, "help me memorize this section--I'm not getting it!", or "help us to all work together and not allow the stresses of life and the show break down relationships", etc. But I haven't intentionally been praying for every aspect of this play. In part this may be because I haven't been looking at this show as having eternal ramifications. It is fun and energizing; a time to "play"; and the content of the show itself is fun and lighthearted. It is like watching a live comic strip! Nothing overtly "spiritual" about this show.

But as I delve deeper (a Lucy-ism), the spiritual ramifications are obvious. Although being produced by our church, this is clearly a community production, and intentionally so. Auditions were opened up to the metro area, outside of the church community, encouraging non-church actors to participate. As a result, some of the cast members and musicians are from outside of our church. How wonderfully refreshing this has been in so many ways. I don't know where these new friends stand in regard to Christ, but they have had the courage to enter into a "church" production and mingle with believers. Conversely, the responsibility I have, and other believing cast members have, to represent Christ authentically, lovingly and with grace is huge--and takes great faith and sensitivity to His Spirit.

It has been enjoyable to watch relationships grown as we work on this show. Sure there are times when each of us have gotten a little tense and "testy", but as we all work for a common goal, there is also plenty of fun going on as well. Just yesterday as we rehearsed several songs that have choreography with them, amidst the sweat and out-of-shape bodies left gasping for air from trying to sing and dance at the same time, there was plenty of team work happening. This was team-building at its finest! No one escaped moments of frustration; times when brains didn't connect to the body part that needed to be moving, or missing the line that has been memorized for a month, yet we all shared in the joy of working together and making the musical number look good. We shared the encouragement of the accomplishment together. We all had our eye on the goal.

This musical is truly an ensemble piece. With only 6 actors, it is a fast-paced, intricate production where the most time anyone has off stage is probably a total of 3 minutes (as Director Wendy put it)! The "baton" is repeatedly passed from character to character at a lively cadence. Musically, the songs are very amusing, but many are technically difficult and have required a lot of rehearsing...and more to come. Clearly, everyone is dependent upon one another to remember their parts, to perform their lines, to hit the mark when needed so that the production can be it's best. We are all depending on one another to not drop the baton, yet firmly grasp it and keep moving forward. I don't want to be the one to drop the baton...or the line...or the entrance, that will affect the outcome of the show. I want to be there for my fellow "Peanuts" pals.

Like the encouragement from my fellow cast members, or the cheers of the crowd in the stadium stands at a relay race, I want to hear the encouragement of the "cloud of witnesses" continually in my ear. I don't want to let my fellow team members, like Abraham or Joshua, down. I want to be faithful in completing the race set before me, with God's power and strength; surrendering all the "ordinary" things of life and believing he can make them into something extraordinary for His glory. My prayer these days is that my eyes will be open to where my faith needs to increase; that I will be ready and be obedient to His calling.

Checking In

And now for the weekly update....

I guess this sums up where things are in my blogging life right now...just updating...unable to spend too much time at serious ponderings as of late! (Although they are swirling around in my brain wanting a chance to jump out on a blog!)

We celebrated another birthday this last Monday, Memorial Day; son #2 turned 17. We gave him a cell phone. He was truly surprised and appreciative. (I guess we've put it off long enough he wasn't expecting it!) The phone was well deserved and we figured the timing was right as he heads into his senior year of high school in the fall. We have a birthday respite until early July when our oldest daughter turns 15--and is preparing for her driver's permit as we speak!

Rehearsals for "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" (YAGMCB) are coming right along. I had my first musical-related nightmare-ish dream the other night. You know, the kind where everyone else seems to know the words and choreography to the one song you didn't rehearse, and you have the solo part, and it is a sold out crowd on opening night?! Yeah, that kind of dream. I seem to be right on track. This is about the time I start having those stress-related kind of dreams. On the plus side, at least I'm sleeping. Soon, I expect to enter into the "no sleep zone" as I sing every song, run every dialogue, rehearse every dance in my head while I stare at the ceiling unable to sleep because my brain won't shut off! Oh, big excitement this week--my (Lucy's) black and white "saddle shoes" were ordered in my size and should arrive tomorrow!!

Only 2 more weeks of school for the kiddos. Hard to believe! Things are always so hectic these last couple of weeks as students hand in their final projects, perform their end-of-the-year programs, go on field trips and have parties. I'm always glad when the last day comes because it signifies the end of daily doling out money for some school related activity!

Personally, the Lord is walking with me through some relationship challenges. Nothing really bad, just challenging and refining. I don't know that I have the reserves to deal with some of the "life" issues that I'm encountering, but He has been good in supplying just what I've needed, when I need it. I also have looked into a job that I could get excited about, but have not heard back from them yet. It is not looking positive, but again, I know God can move and change things. Will you pray with me? Will you pray that He would do a miracle and at least allow me the opportunity to pursue this job further and that they will give me a chance? (I don't want to go into details about it, but will fill you in down the road as needed!)

So, in a nutshell, this is life. I find my days filled with parenting, walking, rehearsing, singing, dancing, working, swearing...oh...um, I mean...parenting, walking, rehearsing, singing, dancing, Rejoicing!!

Thank you for all your great comments and support! I sure appreciate each of you!

God's Goodness

God is good. This is probably something we've all heard many times; something we're told, often. But really letting it in and soaking deep into our bones to full, firm conviction is another thing. Why is it that in a moment of fear and doubt I give way to questioning this truth?

Years ago I was not so convinced that God was good. I knew I should believe He was good, but my heart wasn't convinced. Too often I had prayed and seemingly my prayers were unanswered, or the answers weren't what I wanted. In child-like faith I had prayed for my parents to reconcile...but they didn't. I prayed my Dad would turn back to Jesus, but he didn't. Instead, he died suddenly at a young age! I prayed for physical healing of a friend with cancer, but rather than being healed, he died; and the list goes on. Of course there were prayers in there that were answered the way I wanted them to be answered, but for the most part, it seemed my teen and young adult years were filled with disappointment and withholding of blessings, rather than the outpouring of blessings. Heartache, betrayals, trials and pain seemed more numerous than the "good". God seemed harsh, distant and uncaring to me for a good portion of those years even though I was a "believer." And of course I felt shame and guilt for not really believing God was good.

I would spiritually examine myself consistently to 'see if there was any wickedness' in me. I worked hard at seeing the plank in my own eye rather than the speck in someone else's. I kept pretty 'current' with God on confession of sin and repentance. So, lest anyone be like Job's friends...there wasn't any unconfessed sin or wayward behavior that would be keeping me from God's favor, at least that I could figure out. It seemed to me that "life" was just this way and although I didn't understand it, God's goodness seemed to fall short when it came to my life. His definition of "goodness" and mine were different.

It wasn't until my early thirties that my heart began to grasp the concept of God's goodness. Again, intellectually and scripturally I knew God was good....but convincing my insides to fully embrace it was a process. During a season of intense trials and really facing a future that was uncertain, I learned to cling to the Lord more intensely, be more intentional in my relationship with him, and look only to Him for security, counsel and guidance. "Life" seemed to be on shifting sand, and I knew everything was out of my control, out of my comfort zone. I visited that fear zone where I questioned God's goodness. And then I realized, I was the one who was in the way of me seeing God's goodness, not God. It wasn't what He was or wasn't doing...it was me.

I remember that day when I understood that doubting God's goodness was questioning God's truth. Clearly we are told in scripture that God is good. Why was it that I could accept so many other truths about Him, but not the truth of his goodness? This was a faith issue for me. Even though it didn't feel like he was good, and the evidences of His goodness in my life looked slim to me, I was faced with a decision to choose, by faith, that He was and is good.

Right away I saw a change in my view of things. It is as if I went from being in a fog to seeing clearly, or as I've often referred to it, it is like another layer of an onion being peeled away and I was allowing God to get closer to my heart. I began seeing God in a new way. My relationship with Him became more personal, more intimate. Rather than holding him at arms length, my desire to know Him more, intensified. I was changing. I wanted to know more of God's goodness...not for me necessarily, not expecting a showering of blessings and prosperity, but rather, I wanted to have an understanding of His goodness in all of life, and have spiritual eyes to see that.

God continually amazes me as I see His goodness in my life, daily. I see it in the lives of others and I pray for it in my children's lives. I pray that they will not waste so many years, like I did, but rather see and understand God's goodness early on in their lives.

This past week I was praying intentionally, specifically, that my oldest son would see and experience God's goodness in a way that he would understand and acknowledge, and that he would feel hugged and loved by the Lord on his 19th birthday. I specifically asked (and others prayed as well) that Roo would see God personally touch His life on his special day and know that God was mindful of him in a specific way. What can I say, other than God is good. And Roo knew it too. God moved in some very specific ways that day--miraculous ways. My son remarked many times that day that he knew it was only because God was at work, and that He is good and cares about him. Thank you, God!

I was reminded again this week that often when we are slogging through the muck and mire, when the windshield wipers don't seem to work and our windshield is covered in rain, or the fog seems so thick that to see clearly is nearly impossible, or....okay, you get the idea...I was reminded that this is an opportunity to see God's goodness the clearest. We (I) can either get distracted by the obstacles and focus on the mud and fog, or ask to see past that and see the goodness of God. It takes faith. It takes choosing to see truth.

Thank you, Lord, for pouring out your goodness and blessings; for the abundant life we have in you when we surrender to you and trust you. Thank you for truth that doesn't change, and that you are able to change us to understand your truth.

Good Grief! Life is Busy!

Hi dear blogging friends! I'm still here. I haven't forgotten you all. But as the title says, good grief! Life is busy these days!

This week is one for the record books: I've been having rehearsals for 'Charlie Brown' 4 nights a week; my daughter is in a musical at her school, and this is dress rehearsal week for her with performances all weekend; my son has rehearsal tonight and performance tomorrow night for the high school's spring choir concert; we will be celebrating my oldest son's birthday this up-coming weekend; Add in working until 3:00 - ish everyday, running errands after work, grocery shopping, getting new tires on the mini-van, making 4 floral head wreaths for characters in the middle school musical, and singing on worship team last weekend....

Yep, I'm a little (lot) tired these days~but it's a "good" tired. Life is full and good. The Lord has been so faithful in meeting all of our needs and providing in so many ways. He is faithful!

The show is coming along great. I have to say this is one of the nicest casts I've been in. Everyone seems to genuinely like one another and we have a good deal of fun mixed in with work. I've noticed, too, that everyone seems to encourage one another. No prima donnas in the mix. It's great! The director and other "helpers" are wonderful as well and make this an enjoyable project. Here's a big shout out to Director Wendy, Musical Director Becci and Choreographer Lori! And a welcome and additional shout out to Chad (aka "Woodstock") our new accompanist!

For those of you who are "locals", check out the link for "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" tickets/reservations here and on the sidebar.

I'll write more as time allows. Thanks for hanging in there with me! Don't give up on me! I'll be checking in again soon.

Heart's Desires and Divas

What do Lucy Van Pelt and The Supremes have in common?

Not a whole lot...other than perhaps the word "divas".

This past week I watched the movie "Dream Girls" with my girls. I had heard so much about this movie which is loosely based on the rise to stardom of Diana Ross and Supremes. Jennifer Hudson was phenomenal in this movie; enough to win an Academy Award. I was blown away by her vocal ability.

"What must it feel like to be able to sing like that?", I thought to myself as I watched and listened. I was awe struck. I could feel that spot inside of me that twitched with a little bit of envy. "God, when I am in Heaven with you, can I sing like that? Will you make it possible for me to have an unending vocal range, able to belt out a song, able to just sing from the tips of my toes, with full volume and passion? Oh, if I could do that...that's my real heart's desire."

As we finished watching the movie I had made mention to my daughters that when I was growing up I had secretly wanted to be a "Supreme." I had never wanted to be Diana Ross...not the headliner with all the fame and pressure to perform on stage and off (I don't have a soloist type voice anyway)...but I did want to be one of the back up singers. To me this would have been the ultimate dream job; singing all the fun harmony parts, doing creative, albeit silly, choreography, wearing great dresses, fun makeup and hair, performing...but no pressure to be in the spot light.

I was reminded at that moment how God gives us the desires of our hearts in ways we may not see at first. I knew I would never be a "Supreme." We live too far away from Motown. But, there was a moment when I realized God was letting me be a back up singer. I recall the first time I ever sang on worship team. I hadn't done anything like that before. I had been in choir, or ensembles, but nothing where it was just one other person (in this case my husband) and the worship leader singing. I can so vividly remember that very first Sunday I sang, almost 12 years ago! I was scared spit less, but energized all at the same time. And then we began worshiping. It's almost difficult to put into words what that was like. This wasn't performing; this was better than performing. Instead of being overcome with fear of being in front of people (which I had struggled with), or acute self-consciousness there was none of that, rather a sense of enjoyment and fulfilment on a whole new level. It came from fellowship with my creator, the one who gave me a voice and desire to sing--just singing and enjoying Him. Oh, and the joy of harmonies. There is something so spiritual about great harmonies. I love being able to be a part of harmony. To think that created voices are able to make a sound that is so rich, textured, layered and almost overwhelming to the senses is hard to take in.

Then, it hit me, I was being a backup singer. It sounds a little "worldly" perhaps, but God knew what I meant. He was giving me the desire of my heart, but in a way that would be ultimately more fulfilling and joy-filled than actually being a "Supreme."

I still get to be a BGV (background vocalist) to this day, and although I don't do any silly choreography, I have the freedom to raise my hands in worship, or even dance a little bit, but the freedom to not perform is always there. It's just the Lord and me. I still get to be a 'worship supreme'. Who would have thought that in this phase of life I would get to do such a thing.

And then there is Lucy. Lucy has been a surprise in my life recently. The Creative Arts department at our church is producing "You're a Good Man ,Charlie Brown". First produced on Broadway in the 70's and revised in the late 90's, this musical, with an entirely adult cast, focuses on a day in the lives of 6 of the "Peanuts" characters from the Charles Schulz comic strip.

When I first heard they were having auditions for the show, I immediately pushed it out of my brain figuring I was too old to audition for something like this. There are only two female roles in the show, that of Lucy and Sally. I knew some of the people who were going to audition and they were at least a decade (or more) younger than me. It seemed they would be better suited for a part than I would. And, honestly, there was probably a little bit of vanity involved--I didn't want to appear silly auditioning for a part in the play when everyone else there would be quite a bit more youthful. I didn't want to embarrass myself.

My friend Jenn (who also happens to be the creative arts director at church) suggested I audition for the part of Lucy. I began thinking more about that. Hmm. "I don't know, could I really be Lucy? Is this a good time for me to be involved in a play of some sorts? Would it work with home life and schedules and such?" Lucy was beginning to take hold in that same little spot deep inside that also was occupied by the Supremes. This could be really fun!

After more discussion and encouragement from my family (lots from my family) and Jenn, I auditioned. Looking over the audition group, I knew I was the oldest person in the room. But I felt okay. I wanted to do my best, and if for nothing else, I was energized just auditioning. Rusty, but energized. It felt good. When I left, I felt okay. I really questioned if I would get a part since matching up an older Lucy like me with others younger would be a casting task. However, there was still one more night of auditions left.

As the week progressed and I thought about Lucy more, that desire inside of me grew more. By mid week, I discovered I really wanted to be Lucy. I even dared to say it out loud to my family. All the time praying that the Lord would make me be "okay" with not being Lucy.

And then the call came from dear Wendy, the director. "Would you be our Lucy?"

"Really? YES!! "

When I first met the other cast members, I was pleasantly surprised. It seems we 40-somethings have a corner on the casting market for this show--as only 2 of the 6 cast members are younger than 40! Even Charlie Brown mentioned that he is going to dye his hair to cover up some gray just prior to the show because he doesn't want to be 'Grandpa Charlie Brown'.

The experience level and caliber of ability of the cast in this show is pretty amazing as well. I am humbled and honestly, a bit overwhelmed. I have some serious work to do to keep up with everyone! I always have a sense of "what have I done!" when I first begin working on a show. There is so much music to learn, lines to memorize (does my brain even work like that anymore?), choreography....and on and on. Yet, somehow by opening night I've learned the songs, lines and choreography. I know it will get there...but I'm still in 'overwhelmed' mode. But I'm so energized by the challenge!

This past week, I was struck once again with God and how he gives us our heart's desires in ways we may not see right off the bat. Some might think me crazy for taking on something so time and "life" consuming, especially after my latest post of having 4 teenagers in the house. But as many of my posts as of late have noted, I've been ready for a change, a challenge, something that seems worthwhile and fulfilling whether it be a new job, or new ministry, or activity outside of the house--something that would help quiet the angst I've been feeling. And that's when the Lord introduced me to Lucy. To think I almost didn't audition because it didn't "look" like I would fit. I'm so thankful He knows these things and brings others along our paths to help direct us! Being Lucy will challenge me, push me, grow me in ways I haven't grown before as well as dust off a lot of parts of me that haven't been used in a while. And, bring a real sense of joy as well.

My heart's desires. It seems God knows them better than I do, and I'm finding he enjoys surprising me with fulfilling those heart's desires in ways I may not expect. The Supremes....Lucy....how blessed am I? The trick will be keeping the "diva" factor in check.