I'm preparing to lead worship at our church's women's retreat in a few weeks. I've lead a couple of times before, but as usual, I always feel challenged and humbled at this task. God is always so faithful to bring these weekends together, blending all the elements which have been planned separately, producing a beautiful result...just what he wants it to be, accomplishing His purpose. I have no doubt He will do that again. I just want to be certain I'm attentive and hearing Him!
The theme of this year's retreat is called "Spa for the Soul". As I was looking through the speaker's outline for each session--4 in all--I saw her theme emerge. (I won't divulge it--but rather you'll have to wait for the retreat). "Coincidentally" as I was doing my own personal Bible study, I was in Psalms 22. Verse 25 says, "From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly." Hhmmm, "theme". What's with this "theme" thing?
David, who wrote this Psalm, speaks of his suffering and affliction in the preceding verses, acknowledging that God has met him in His need every time; many times he was delivered out of the hands of his enemies; "[God] has not hidden his face from [me] but has listened to [my] cry for help. Then David says, "From you (God) comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly."
Several things struck me about this. First of all, we all suffer at some time, in some way, or ways, we all are "afflicted". We are told in scripture that we will have trials. In these hardships, or afflictions, we grow the most...or I should say the opportunity for growth is increased as we rely on the Lord to walk us through each of these difficult things. Personally, I have found that I understand more about God's character, or something I read in the Bible makes more sense to me, or grace reaches deeper inside through each trial or hardship.
Secondly, the "theme" is not something we create, but God creates by what He allows into our lives. And, it doesn't seem to be the same theme for each person. We may have similar themes (similar hardships/sufferings/adversities), but God is the one who gives us our "themes", tailor-made for us individually so that we'll know Him in a deeper way--in an area, perhaps, where we need to know Him more fully?
Thirdly, it is our responsibility to share those themes with others in the Body--in the "great assembly"--in a public place. Praise is outward expression of telling God's greatness, telling of his goodness and what he has done. We are to tell others--praise God publicly--for what He has brought us out of, the enemies he has rescued us from, the adversities he has triumphed over.
So, as I prepare for the Women's retreat, it is impressed upon me how important it is for all of us--not just women--to be honest about life with one another. It is in Praising God for what he has brought us out of, or valleys He has brought us through, that others are encouraged, truth is told, suffering is eased, God is glorified, and we know Him deeper.
David's theme was that God was his deliverer, rescuer, triumphant warrior, comforter, hearer of his prayers. My theme would be God as father, friend, provider, deliverer, comforter. What is your theme? Please share. Praise God in the assembly...or even over a blog!
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Intersections: West Meets East
A year ago this week, I stepped on a plane and headed for an adventure to the other side of the world. Up to that point, the furthest I had travelled was Indiana, USA, (seriously) yet here I was boarding a series of airplanes that would eventually take me to India. Leaving my husband and kids at home to fend for themselves (they did just fine without me around!), I went solo...well with the exception of the other 20+ people joining me. I went as a member of a group from my home fellowship with the purpose of visiting extended "family" in India to share "Good News" and bring encouragement to them. I find myself reminiscing quite a bit this week as another group from this same fellowship is leaving and I am left on this side of the world. A mysterious pang in my heart has developed since my trip...one that is aching a little bit this week knowing I won't be seeing this culturally rich land and it's people. Part of me wishes I were leaving this week as well.
India "wrecked" me--in a good way. I doubt I will ever be the same. Just remembering some of the people, their stories, their lives....it easily brings me to tears. And then I think of those that have found the Living Hope, the One who truly has set them free from their oppression...and I cry more. To hear their stories, to see their Light-filled eyes--they've captured my heart. It is hard not to think of these new friends in India when I sing words to songs that say "every tongue, every tribe will sing His praise." I feel as if I was allowed a glimpse into Heaven!
I thought I would share just a few "snapshots" of my experience. There are too many to post...
One of my favorite parts of the trip was spending 3 days at a wome
n's retreat and discovering that there is a common thread that runs through all women, regardless of culture. When it comes down to it, we all love time with our girlfriends; we love to laugh and be silly; we all want to be beautiful and feminine and we all want to be loved. My East Indian sisters were no exception. What stunning, beautiful women and what great humor they showed!While at the retreat, I remember a conversation with a young girl who spoke English quite well. She was talking about my white skin and amazed how fair it seemed--and in her eyes--was more beautiful than her own. I told her that I thought her brown skin was actually more beautiful and that other American women would agree. As I told her about the tanning shops where women pay to have their skin painted a bronze color, or sit under machines that will turn their white skin a light brown, she laughed, certain that I was making it up. I reassured her I was not. I still don't think she believed such a thing could be true!
One night I was with a group of woman, walking arm in arm with a small Indian woman who had taken a liking to me. She had grabbed my arm and proceeded to walk with me down the path alongside the cobra field (!). There were no interpreters around and neither of us spoke the other's language. As we walked, we each exchanged the only words we knew in the other's language. Then we both smiled, quite proud at our communication attempt. Then this sweet little woman became quite animated. I guess my prowess at saying "good-evening" in her native tongue was so impressive that she thought I was fluent. Suddenly she goes into a monologue of sorts, telling me some kind of story, trying to illustrate with her hands. I could only shake my head and say, 'sorry, I don't understand'. So then, she repeated herself, at a very loud volume, guessing that perhaps this would help me understand better. Nope. That really didn't' help! It was a good cross-cultural experience for me. I can affirm the fact that increasing one's volume really does not help with the understanding of a foreign language. We laughed , hugged one another and continued to walk down the dark path, arm in arm.
The final night of the retreat our hosts had a "garba" (spelled phonetically...I'm not certain of the actual spelling...if any of my India friends are reading, please let me know the correct spelling of this!) It almost looked like a movie set perfectly styled with beautiful Indian women dressed in their brightly colored Saris (sp?), dancing in a large circle under the cloudless night sky, with music sent out into the warm night air over a simple sound system. Lights from nearby buildings helped to guide their steps as women from many tribes and regions shared in a festive celebration. Smiling and encouraging us to join in, they pulled us into the circle, teaching us their native steps, enveloping us into their community. We tried, but lets just say it was easy to tell who the white girls were! Nevertheless, our efforts were appreciated by all, and we all laughed, danced and celebrated our time together.
Meanwhile, back in the city--
Driving in city traffic in India is almost beyond description. I recall the constant beeping of horns, the dodging of scooters, cows, dogs, goats, pedestrians; the absence of traffic control lights, and the many modes of transportation all sharing the same road.
One time we were driving along with one of our hosts and passed their local zoo. We asked "Exactly what animals do they have in the zoo? The animals we see in the street are the ones we have in our zoos back home!"
Street vendors line the roads with everything from shoes, to bags, to fruit, to clothing. The city never seems to sleep...always moving, always noisy.
So many memories and "snapshots". Perhaps I'll share more later. But I'll leave you with these to savor for the time being. I know at some point I will return to India again--maybe next year--who knows!
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Confessions from a Failure
***This part inserted after initial posting:
This writing was inspired by other women who feel as if they've failed or are failures. I think we can all identify. Despite our best efforts and desire to give 110% to everything we do, there are still no guarantees that things will turn out like they're "supposed" to based upon some unpublished guideline, or as we desire them to. At some point we are faced with the choice of trying to live by the world's definition of "success" and thus strive harder, relying on our own strength to manage things and have control, which subsequently leaves us feeling more like failures the more out of control things get, or we get to the point we "give over" and release control to God, surrendering to Him, recognizing that on our own, we aren't able, but rather that He is the only one that can make any good of anything we do.
Living life is hard, and it seems there is always something or someone telling us how we're doing, scoring our efforts like judges at the Olympics. I choose to listen to the One who created me and knows me the best...and the only One able to really make something good come out of my life. Life has little purpose if not lived through Him and for Him.
**************
I'll
confess. I'm a failure. Well at least by the world's standards, I am a failure. I'm owning it. I've failed more times than I've succeeded in the world. In fact, "success" seems to be illusive. I've had triumphs, but those are momentary or fleeting. "Failure" is the message that some 'well-meaning' (and some not so well meaning) believers tell me; this is the message that the enemy tells me.
Failure at what?
Failure at mothering. My kids aren't perfect. They have "attitudes" at times. In fact, sometimes my children act like all the other kids in the world. What went wrong? Didn't I raise them right? I took them to Sunday School since they were newborns. They each have accepted Jesus into their hearts. I've talked to them about not smoking marijuana, or cigarettes. I've gone over the do's and don'ts of life. And of course I've let them know that swearing is not allowed. And yet, they still grumble about "having to go" to church, one smokes cigarettes, sometimes they swear and even are disrespectful at other times. And as my son put it, I'm told things a mother hoped she would never hear. (Why didn't my "don't smoke cigarettes speech" work?--surely my presentation skills are lacking as well!!) Somewhere along the line, I must have failed.
Failure at being a wife. We can chalk up almost 22 years of marriage. But bliss? Nope. Soul-mate? Not sure either of us really knows what that means. Committed? Yep, but loving every minute of it? Nope. Do I always think of him and have a servant heart? Nope. Am I moody and irritable and just decide I'm going to be that way and tough luck? Yep. Do we pray together on a regular basis? Nope. Of course we know we "should" (I believe this is covered in Chapter 1 of the "Official Guide to the Good Christian Marriage Handbook for Soul Mates") Do we struggle with self-centered-ness and at times feel like going on vacation--separately? You betchya. Again...failure.
Failure at being a Believer. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was six. I've been a Christian for over 40 years! One would think I would have the discipline to read my Bible everyday! But do I? No. Oh, I'm much better than I used to be, but it is still a discipline issue for me. And memorization. "Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee." Somewhere along the line I didn't get that supernatural ability to remember verbatim everything I've read. How can this be? I was great at "Sword Drills". I know all the books of the Bible (I fulfilled that "Good Christian" requirement early in life) but I have to work at memorization. It truly is a difficult task for me. I do great with context, application, intention of the scripture, even general location within a book of a Bible; but, actual word by word recitation with chapter and verse? Nope. Really hard for me. And then there's this sin issue in my life. I still struggle with sin. In fact, daily. Daily I have to surrender myself to the Lord as I'm confronted with the ugliness inside of me. And the spiritual gifts department? In my eyes, mine are the 'touchy-feel-y' gifts! UGH! What a wimp! I'm a failure.
Personal and Professional failure. I'm not a mover and a shaker. Oh, I wish I were. But somehow I can't get my act together enough to be that kind of woman who does it all. I "should" have been able to juggle mothering 4 children , running a household, being a wife, and a Christian all while changing the world or being employed in some kind of noteworthy profession which involves wearing business suits and carrying a brief case of some sort. But no. I stayed home full-time...and a lot of good that did, right? As you already know, my children aren't "perfect"! Personally, I have struggled with "the blues" at different times in my life...at one time I was on medication for clinical depression. Major failure. I couldn't 'get over it' on my own! And then there is this "weight" thing. I can't even count how many times I've failed at controlling that! I've never been a "perfect" size! Failure, failure, failure!
Oh, and then there is this "Grace" issue. I'll confess, I'm a failure that is totally dependent on grace. In fact, I'm such a failure, I can't do life on my own and have to totally rely on the work of the Lord in my life to make anything good come of my efforts. Almost daily I am confronted with a new issue or insight that brings me to my knees in prayerful, tear-stained petitions to God, overwhelmed with feelings of helplessness. It is then that I see how out-of(my)-control my life is; how out-of-(my)-control the world is. Failure brings me to the end of myself--my insufficiencies-- where my only option--my only hope--is to cling to Grace's hand and the only One who is all-sufficient, always the victor, never failing.
***This part added the following day:
In case any are concerned that I'm wallowing in self-doubt and pity...I'm not. I don't really believe I'm a failure--but again, through the world's eyes, I may seem like one. But as I said earlier, I only care about the opinion of the One who made me! (In fact, my journey through depression was very much a spiritual journey...I'll share more about that in a later blog.) The life I live as a believer is one of victory even when it looks differently than how I imagined. I'm a child of God and He is good!
This song continually played through my mind during the night. It is one that sums up my (our)need for the daily work of God's grace in my (our) life (lives).
This writing was inspired by other women who feel as if they've failed or are failures. I think we can all identify. Despite our best efforts and desire to give 110% to everything we do, there are still no guarantees that things will turn out like they're "supposed" to based upon some unpublished guideline, or as we desire them to. At some point we are faced with the choice of trying to live by the world's definition of "success" and thus strive harder, relying on our own strength to manage things and have control, which subsequently leaves us feeling more like failures the more out of control things get, or we get to the point we "give over" and release control to God, surrendering to Him, recognizing that on our own, we aren't able, but rather that He is the only one that can make any good of anything we do.
Living life is hard, and it seems there is always something or someone telling us how we're doing, scoring our efforts like judges at the Olympics. I choose to listen to the One who created me and knows me the best...and the only One able to really make something good come out of my life. Life has little purpose if not lived through Him and for Him.
**************
I'll
confess. I'm a failure. Well at least by the world's standards, I am a failure. I'm owning it. I've failed more times than I've succeeded in the world. In fact, "success" seems to be illusive. I've had triumphs, but those are momentary or fleeting. "Failure" is the message that some 'well-meaning' (and some not so well meaning) believers tell me; this is the message that the enemy tells me.Failure at what?
Failure at mothering. My kids aren't perfect. They have "attitudes" at times. In fact, sometimes my children act like all the other kids in the world. What went wrong? Didn't I raise them right? I took them to Sunday School since they were newborns. They each have accepted Jesus into their hearts. I've talked to them about not smoking marijuana, or cigarettes. I've gone over the do's and don'ts of life. And of course I've let them know that swearing is not allowed. And yet, they still grumble about "having to go" to church, one smokes cigarettes, sometimes they swear and even are disrespectful at other times. And as my son put it, I'm told things a mother hoped she would never hear. (Why didn't my "don't smoke cigarettes speech" work?--surely my presentation skills are lacking as well!!) Somewhere along the line, I must have failed.
Failure at being a wife. We can chalk up almost 22 years of marriage. But bliss? Nope. Soul-mate? Not sure either of us really knows what that means. Committed? Yep, but loving every minute of it? Nope. Do I always think of him and have a servant heart? Nope. Am I moody and irritable and just decide I'm going to be that way and tough luck? Yep. Do we pray together on a regular basis? Nope. Of course we know we "should" (I believe this is covered in Chapter 1 of the "Official Guide to the Good Christian Marriage Handbook for Soul Mates") Do we struggle with self-centered-ness and at times feel like going on vacation--separately? You betchya. Again...failure.
Failure at being a Believer. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was six. I've been a Christian for over 40 years! One would think I would have the discipline to read my Bible everyday! But do I? No. Oh, I'm much better than I used to be, but it is still a discipline issue for me. And memorization. "Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee." Somewhere along the line I didn't get that supernatural ability to remember verbatim everything I've read. How can this be? I was great at "Sword Drills". I know all the books of the Bible (I fulfilled that "Good Christian" requirement early in life) but I have to work at memorization. It truly is a difficult task for me. I do great with context, application, intention of the scripture, even general location within a book of a Bible; but, actual word by word recitation with chapter and verse? Nope. Really hard for me. And then there's this sin issue in my life. I still struggle with sin. In fact, daily. Daily I have to surrender myself to the Lord as I'm confronted with the ugliness inside of me. And the spiritual gifts department? In my eyes, mine are the 'touchy-feel-y' gifts! UGH! What a wimp! I'm a failure.
Personal and Professional failure. I'm not a mover and a shaker. Oh, I wish I were. But somehow I can't get my act together enough to be that kind of woman who does it all. I "should" have been able to juggle mothering 4 children , running a household, being a wife, and a Christian all while changing the world or being employed in some kind of noteworthy profession which involves wearing business suits and carrying a brief case of some sort. But no. I stayed home full-time...and a lot of good that did, right? As you already know, my children aren't "perfect"! Personally, I have struggled with "the blues" at different times in my life...at one time I was on medication for clinical depression. Major failure. I couldn't 'get over it' on my own! And then there is this "weight" thing. I can't even count how many times I've failed at controlling that! I've never been a "perfect" size! Failure, failure, failure!
Oh, and then there is this "Grace" issue. I'll confess, I'm a failure that is totally dependent on grace. In fact, I'm such a failure, I can't do life on my own and have to totally rely on the work of the Lord in my life to make anything good come of my efforts. Almost daily I am confronted with a new issue or insight that brings me to my knees in prayerful, tear-stained petitions to God, overwhelmed with feelings of helplessness. It is then that I see how out-of(my)-control my life is; how out-of-(my)-control the world is. Failure brings me to the end of myself--my insufficiencies-- where my only option--my only hope--is to cling to Grace's hand and the only One who is all-sufficient, always the victor, never failing.
***This part added the following day:
In case any are concerned that I'm wallowing in self-doubt and pity...I'm not. I don't really believe I'm a failure--but again, through the world's eyes, I may seem like one. But as I said earlier, I only care about the opinion of the One who made me! (In fact, my journey through depression was very much a spiritual journey...I'll share more about that in a later blog.) The life I live as a believer is one of victory even when it looks differently than how I imagined. I'm a child of God and He is good!
This song continually played through my mind during the night. It is one that sums up my (our)need for the daily work of God's grace in my (our) life (lives).
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
O soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see? There’s
a light for a look at the Savior, And life more abundant and
free!Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful
face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory
and grace.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Snow Day!
Just had to share the view from out our front door. We're so excited it snowed today! Yippee!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Life Lessons from Confetti
Observations about life from a New Year's Eve Celebration: Some party-goers use confetti, and some don't.
The confetti-tossers do so not at all concerned about the messy clean up afterward. Oh, they understand there will be quite a mess, but it's not such a deterrent that it would stop the celebration. These celebrants marvel in the colors, the variety of shapes, and the wonder of it all. The traces of confetti that are discovered weeks later, hidden in the crevices are happy reminders of the celebration.
The non-confetti-tossers abstain from using confetti because the prospect of the mess and lengthy clean-up convinces them it is better to avoid confetti at all costs. The very presence of confetti causes distress and worry. Should said NCT's (non-confetti-tossers) happen to be in the presence of confetti tossers and by default be showered with confetti, the hidden pieces later discovered in the NCT's hair or down their shirt is viewed as an irritant and abrasive.
What kind of life party-er are you? As for me, I want confetti to be a staple in my pantry!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Christmas Ponderings
Sitting in the quiet of my house with a dried-up Christmas tree standing tall in the corner, sipping new Christmas flavored coffee, tempted to eat the remainder of a Christmas cookie left alone in a festive Christmas tin, and looking at the new software program poised on the computer desk that resists being installed in an easy and cooperative manner--I find myself reflecting on the holiday.
It is difficult to believe it is that time of year again. Where has the year gone? I know I say this every year...but this time, I really mean it...where did this last year go? How can it be 2007 already? Weren't we just preparing for the impending doom and chaos of Y2K? Yikes! I know time flies when you're having fun...but I've concluded that time flies even when you're not having fun. In fact, what you're doing has nothing to do with the rate at which it flies...it just does.
"Time" is an element that seems to bother me more and more as I grow older. It becomes further out of reach. The rate at which my children grow-up seems to speed up; The rate at which my outer self changes accelerates; the rate at which technology like i-pods, cell phones and digital imagery morphs is mind-boggling. Even the joys and triumphs of the year seem quickly eclipsed by the next trial or tragedy. Like my outdated computer operating system, I feel that my operating system is slow, and I can't quite process things at the speed that is required in order to keep up with life and the rate at which it seems to propel us forward. I want to savor moments, like Christmas celebrations, yet when I go to the grocery store the day after Christmas, I'm confronted with Valentine's Day candy!
This past Christmas season, determined to wrangle this time beast and hold onto the precious moments of the holiday, I tried something new. I began by really allowing Christ to be a part of the season. Elementary, I know. (Some of us are slow...remember?) What I mean by this is that I surrendered the season to Him. With my Thanksgiving lesson still recent enough to recall, I was determined to surrender and be willing to give up whatever "traditions", plans, activities, and so on--those things that in my mind "make" it a 'great Christmas'--and instead allow the Lord of my life to orchestrate the season. Some of you may be thinking, "so what's the big deal?"
For many of us the weight of creating a memorable holiday is a constant pressure (I especially feel this being a mother); an ever-present mental "to-do" list that we wear as a holiday accessory, checking off each item as it is completed. Add to that the pressure of making sure all the gifts "come out even" for the kids--in number and value--well, it can be exhausting! Each year I try to shorten my list, but I have as yet to escape it. However, this year, I allowed the Lord to make my "to-do" list. It occurred to me that perhaps all those list items that I think are important and crucial to a fulfilling, enduring holiday reminiscence really aren't all that necessary? This is what His list looked like:
1. Make only two batches of cookies, instead of the entire holiday cookie book.
I polled the family on their top picks. We still made the cut-out cookies, but it was much easier this year as we spread the process out over a few days; 1 day to chill the dough, 1 day to cut them out and bake them and still another day to decorate. By the third day and at the end of decorating, we began "commando icing" which translates into slapping on icing in a fashion Picasso would condone. What mattered most was that we were all having fun and laughing.
2. Say "no"...and this time, really mean it.
Often what I want to do and what I can do are different because of time or availability restraints. I'm working at being more practical about these things, and learning that more often than not the opportunity will come along again or in some cases, something better will present itself. The Lord is teaching me to not stress about these convergences, but trust Him in them. (I still need lots of practice however!)
This past Christmas season, creative leadership at church requested submissions of a brief (100 words) essay from members who would like to share significant ways that God has moved in their lives. My first response was "Great! I want to do that for sure. God has been so present, working and teaching..this should be easy!" Well, after multiple beginnings, and several re-writes, I had a real sense that I wasn't "supposed" to write anything, but rather I should say "no" to this opportunity. Why was it that something so full in my heart kept coming up empty on paper? It isn't as if anything I had to share was profound or Pulitzer-worthy, but it still seemed like a "good" thing to be involved in. I had to really surrender this one to Him. I don't "get it"...but I'm okay with it. (As a side note, it was a blessing being at the Christmas Eve service and having others share their stories of how God broke into their world. I'm so glad that others told their stories, and look forward to reading more.)
3. Limit the buying. Give other kinds of gifts.
My kids love getting together with their cousins for Christmas and traditionally, we do this later in the day with my side of the family on Christmas day. However, this year, because of other family plans, we all celebrated together on the 23rd. It was such a fun-filled day. My oldest sister gave the gift of planning and executing the day. Acknowledging that each family was wanting to cut down on the gift-buying, the day was focused around performing a holiday program for my mom, Grandma BK, as our gift to her. All 12 of the Grandkids participated. Five of the boys practiced and performed a live band number complete with guitars and drums while my brother, Uncle Rich, sang. My husband Ron sang "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" while my niece Amy interpreted in sign language (she is nationally certified as an interpreter). Then there were two other musical parodies the Grandkids performed which included choreography and singing.
We had a "white elephant" gift exchange with the adults--limit $5.00-- and the kids exchanged names, but with the focus off of buying and on giving ourselves, a whole new realm was opened up--especially for the kids. What a wonderfully full day that was. Everyone had such a great time.
4. And finally, focus on the presence of one another, not presents.
We kicked off Christmas day by attending a Christmas Eve service the night before. The service was warm and personal. I really thought it was an exceptional night. Usually reluctant to attend, the kids each commented on how good it was...and of course...holding lit candles is always a plus.
Christmas day we were home all day with nowhere to go. We were pajama-clad the entire day. The pile of presents under the tree was smaller than in previous years, but that is largely due to the fact that as the kids are getting older, their gift choices are getting more expensive yet smaller in size! However, I think they were just as excited over getting new socks as they were their one "big" gift. One of my treasured gifts was given to me by my oldest son. Unsolicited, he came up behind me while I was fixing dinner, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and then walked away.
We have all marvelled at what an exceptional Christmas this was; not exhausting, not pressure-filled, not stressful at trying to fill expectations that are never satisfied, but just simplified and re-focused. It truly was a blessed Christmas and one I am still savoring. Time seemed to slow down this Christmas and for that I'm thankful.
I have lots of ponderings to share about the New Year...but I won't rush... there's plenty of time to do that.
It is difficult to believe it is that time of year again. Where has the year gone? I know I say this every year...but this time, I really mean it...where did this last year go? How can it be 2007 already? Weren't we just preparing for the impending doom and chaos of Y2K? Yikes! I know time flies when you're having fun...but I've concluded that time flies even when you're not having fun. In fact, what you're doing has nothing to do with the rate at which it flies...it just does.
"Time" is an element that seems to bother me more and more as I grow older. It becomes further out of reach. The rate at which my children grow-up seems to speed up; The rate at which my outer self changes accelerates; the rate at which technology like i-pods, cell phones and digital imagery morphs is mind-boggling. Even the joys and triumphs of the year seem quickly eclipsed by the next trial or tragedy. Like my outdated computer operating system, I feel that my operating system is slow, and I can't quite process things at the speed that is required in order to keep up with life and the rate at which it seems to propel us forward. I want to savor moments, like Christmas celebrations, yet when I go to the grocery store the day after Christmas, I'm confronted with Valentine's Day candy!
This past Christmas season, determined to wrangle this time beast and hold onto the precious moments of the holiday, I tried something new. I began by really allowing Christ to be a part of the season. Elementary, I know. (Some of us are slow...remember?) What I mean by this is that I surrendered the season to Him. With my Thanksgiving lesson still recent enough to recall, I was determined to surrender and be willing to give up whatever "traditions", plans, activities, and so on--those things that in my mind "make" it a 'great Christmas'--and instead allow the Lord of my life to orchestrate the season. Some of you may be thinking, "so what's the big deal?"
For many of us the weight of creating a memorable holiday is a constant pressure (I especially feel this being a mother); an ever-present mental "to-do" list that we wear as a holiday accessory, checking off each item as it is completed. Add to that the pressure of making sure all the gifts "come out even" for the kids--in number and value--well, it can be exhausting! Each year I try to shorten my list, but I have as yet to escape it. However, this year, I allowed the Lord to make my "to-do" list. It occurred to me that perhaps all those list items that I think are important and crucial to a fulfilling, enduring holiday reminiscence really aren't all that necessary? This is what His list looked like:
1. Make only two batches of cookies, instead of the entire holiday cookie book.
I polled the family on their top picks. We still made the cut-out cookies, but it was much easier this year as we spread the process out over a few days; 1 day to chill the dough, 1 day to cut them out and bake them and still another day to decorate. By the third day and at the end of decorating, we began "commando icing" which translates into slapping on icing in a fashion Picasso would condone. What mattered most was that we were all having fun and laughing.
2. Say "no"...and this time, really mean it.
Often what I want to do and what I can do are different because of time or availability restraints. I'm working at being more practical about these things, and learning that more often than not the opportunity will come along again or in some cases, something better will present itself. The Lord is teaching me to not stress about these convergences, but trust Him in them. (I still need lots of practice however!)
This past Christmas season, creative leadership at church requested submissions of a brief (100 words) essay from members who would like to share significant ways that God has moved in their lives. My first response was "Great! I want to do that for sure. God has been so present, working and teaching..this should be easy!" Well, after multiple beginnings, and several re-writes, I had a real sense that I wasn't "supposed" to write anything, but rather I should say "no" to this opportunity. Why was it that something so full in my heart kept coming up empty on paper? It isn't as if anything I had to share was profound or Pulitzer-worthy, but it still seemed like a "good" thing to be involved in. I had to really surrender this one to Him. I don't "get it"...but I'm okay with it. (As a side note, it was a blessing being at the Christmas Eve service and having others share their stories of how God broke into their world. I'm so glad that others told their stories, and look forward to reading more.)
3. Limit the buying. Give other kinds of gifts.
My kids love getting together with their cousins for Christmas and traditionally, we do this later in the day with my side of the family on Christmas day. However, this year, because of other family plans, we all celebrated together on the 23rd. It was such a fun-filled day. My oldest sister gave the gift of planning and executing the day. Acknowledging that each family was wanting to cut down on the gift-buying, the day was focused around performing a holiday program for my mom, Grandma BK, as our gift to her. All 12 of the Grandkids participated. Five of the boys practiced and performed a live band number complete with guitars and drums while my brother, Uncle Rich, sang. My husband Ron sang "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" while my niece Amy interpreted in sign language (she is nationally certified as an interpreter). Then there were two other musical parodies the Grandkids performed which included choreography and singing.
We had a "white elephant" gift exchange with the adults--limit $5.00-- and the kids exchanged names, but with the focus off of buying and on giving ourselves, a whole new realm was opened up--especially for the kids. What a wonderfully full day that was. Everyone had such a great time.
4. And finally, focus on the presence of one another, not presents.
We kicked off Christmas day by attending a Christmas Eve service the night before. The service was warm and personal. I really thought it was an exceptional night. Usually reluctant to attend, the kids each commented on how good it was...and of course...holding lit candles is always a plus.
Christmas day we were home all day with nowhere to go. We were pajama-clad the entire day. The pile of presents under the tree was smaller than in previous years, but that is largely due to the fact that as the kids are getting older, their gift choices are getting more expensive yet smaller in size! However, I think they were just as excited over getting new socks as they were their one "big" gift. One of my treasured gifts was given to me by my oldest son. Unsolicited, he came up behind me while I was fixing dinner, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and then walked away.
We have all marvelled at what an exceptional Christmas this was; not exhausting, not pressure-filled, not stressful at trying to fill expectations that are never satisfied, but just simplified and re-focused. It truly was a blessed Christmas and one I am still savoring. Time seemed to slow down this Christmas and for that I'm thankful.
I have lots of ponderings to share about the New Year...but I won't rush... there's plenty of time to do that.
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