Being home bound with 3 teens during these wintry snowy days of the past week has had its ups and downs. I have tried to go to work when possible, but since my place of employment is in the higher elevations, being able to actually get to work has been hit and miss in the past week. One day I drove on nearly-bare pavement all the way to the bottom of the hill that leads up to the office, but had to chain up my mini-van to make it the last 1/2 mile. This week, at the boss' recommendation, I will be staying home all week and not going into the office until next Monday; an unplanned, and unpaid Christmas break. So, that has left me at home with an 18 year old (who also has had work days cancelled on him) and a 16 and 14 year old.
Like many mothers are reporting via the buzz on Facebook, one or two snow days is fun and an adventure, but after a week...well....it is getting old and quite honestly, we're running out of things to do to keep us all from going stir crazy. We've watched available DVDs, decorated, and re-decorated the house for Christmas, and are now playing really old Nintendo 64 games that are "new" to us once again. Oh, and eating way too many Christmas goodies.
Baking is one thing we have done nearly every day. Like most families, we have our traditional Christmas cookies that we simply must make every Christmas, then of course there is the fudge and the Chinese-noodle-butterscotch-chips-peanut-buttery-candy-things that are a must. So yesterday, was the day to make our traditional Merry Christmas cut out cookies. This is the same cut out cookie I made with my mother that was a long-standing tradition in my family when I was growing up. I wasn't sure at first if my big kids would really care about making the cookies. No one had mentioned them yet this season, so I honestly had considered not making them this year. But as soon as I pulled out the ingredients, the hand mixer and Betty Crocker's Cooky Book, their eyes lit up and they were excited. (Well, the girls were excited, my son was quietly enthusiastic.) Suddenly it was a team effort and cookie cutters were being pulled out of the cupboard, sprinkles and food coloring were accounted for and on it went.
I flashed back in my mind to our first house we lived in and making this same cookie recipe with my little children who were then ages 6, 4, 2 and an infant. We video-taped the event as I showed them how to roll out the dough and cut out shapes. Decorating them with the icing was entertaining, and each cookie looked more like lumps of frosting encased in colored sugars than a Christmas bell, star or Santa face. But, my kids are big now and I'll admit it, I was a bit melancholy when shopping for stocking stuffers this year. As I walked through the toy aisle at the store, I was so sad when I realized that they probably wouldn't think of Play-Doh as a treasure in their stockings any more. (I actually realized this years ago--but it seemed especially sad this year.) In a year of transitions and losses, I realize I'm a little more acutely tuned into things (maybe hyper-ly so? Don't know.)
I felt a little pang in my heart when pulling out the Cooky Book and Christmas cookie cutters my mother had given me years ago and was keenly aware with how quickly time is passing. I've been missing the sweetness of days gone by when my kids were little and the anticipation of Christmas morning was almost unbearable. I miss shopping for toys. These days Christmas list "toys" are either technological in nature, a specific clothing item, or an accessory. I'm guessing this is about the time that people my age start thinking ahead to being grandparents and get excited at the thought of once again being able to be around little children on Christmas.
I was so thankful for this little Christmas surprise and a tradition that continues on, at least for one more year. Our cookie making session was an unexpected blessing to me and a reminder to enjoy these days as I know things continually change, children continue to grow and leave home and one day I'm guessing making Merry Christmas Cookies will be gone as well.
I do have to add, as a sweet ending to the day, my 18 year old son announced just before bed time, "I'm so excited Christmas is in 3 days!" That just made my mother's heart sing. It is nice to see that not all things have changed!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Celebrating
The Lord is good!
To follow up on my "IDK" post, I just had to share a little bit of how the Lord has been working. He has given clarity, and direction in ways that can only be spirit-directed. And not only that, but has been giving confirmation through words of exhortation from brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm so thankful for these Spirit-filled followers of Jesus who know truth, speak truth and are filled with wisdom from the Lord. It's true, we all truly need the Body of Christ and cannot "do" life on our own!
At this time of year when we celebrate the birth of Christ, I am keenly aware of how I need Him daily to redeem my life. I'm thankful for his gift of salvation and for paying the penalty for my sin. I'm thankful that he is the Wise Counselor, Almighty God and Everlasting Father. I'm thankful that He truly is the Prince of Peace and that He has given, and continues to, teach me about true peace.
This Christmas, I have so many reasons to truly celebrate. In a year--or years--that have been filled with trials, challenges, losses, pain, and tests that have required persevering, my Lord has been more than good to me and has been more than faithful. He truly is the Almighty God who lavishes his love upon me. There is nothing I can ever do that could earn this love. And so I will choose to receive this wonderful gift of grace.
Thank you, Father, for the gift of Jesus. Thank you for the lessons you've taught me on this journey that have given me fresh spiritual eyes. I'm excited to celebrate Christmas in a fresh new way.
To follow up on my "IDK" post, I just had to share a little bit of how the Lord has been working. He has given clarity, and direction in ways that can only be spirit-directed. And not only that, but has been giving confirmation through words of exhortation from brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm so thankful for these Spirit-filled followers of Jesus who know truth, speak truth and are filled with wisdom from the Lord. It's true, we all truly need the Body of Christ and cannot "do" life on our own!
At this time of year when we celebrate the birth of Christ, I am keenly aware of how I need Him daily to redeem my life. I'm thankful for his gift of salvation and for paying the penalty for my sin. I'm thankful that he is the Wise Counselor, Almighty God and Everlasting Father. I'm thankful that He truly is the Prince of Peace and that He has given, and continues to, teach me about true peace.
This Christmas, I have so many reasons to truly celebrate. In a year--or years--that have been filled with trials, challenges, losses, pain, and tests that have required persevering, my Lord has been more than good to me and has been more than faithful. He truly is the Almighty God who lavishes his love upon me. There is nothing I can ever do that could earn this love. And so I will choose to receive this wonderful gift of grace.
Thank you, Father, for the gift of Jesus. Thank you for the lessons you've taught me on this journey that have given me fresh spiritual eyes. I'm excited to celebrate Christmas in a fresh new way.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
IDK
I'll confess, I am just a recent text-er. I know, I'm a little late getting on the band wagon. I resisted for quite a while. On what principle? IDK (I don't know). Partly because I didn't want to pay extra on my cell phone bill, partly because I didn't know if I would have the patience to learn T-9. But, I maneuvered around that by getting a phone with a full keyboard...AND I LOVE IT! Getting more proficient at texting these days, I'm learning new shortcuts courtesy of my children. It has been so great to be able to send a quick note to my husband during the day, or remind the kids of something whenever it is convenient or I think of it. It actually has helped our family communication. LOL.
But back to IDK; This seems to be a favorite phrase of mine these days as I'm coming to the realization, once again, that I really don't know much of anything, or understand God or His ways. There is that "mystery" thing again. So much of life is not clear cut or precise. It is messy and hazy. And I hate that part! I know these are the times when faith has the opportunity to grow more; I have the opportunity to learn more of God's character; that 'thing' in me that needs to be addressed has an opportunity to be exposed to light and dug out; and on and on. But the times that really drive me crazy is when things are so quiet. I know, I know God is still active and at work. I just wish I could see it. I think I'm tuned in. But am I?
IDK, these days I'm feeling like a total loser--but we can't trust our emotions. They are indicators of something, but we are not meant to run our life on them soley. So what is the truth? Is there something I'm just not getting because so much of life these days just doesn't make sense to me? Is this part of the process and an answer to my prayer for Him to be refining me, changing me, strengthening me? Is this the answer to my prayer to Him to show me the sin in my life and expose those areas not exposed to His light? IDK.
These are times when I feel myself stretched to the edge of despair, yet I don't despair because I do trust the Lord to be big enough to carry me through and accomplish his work. But there is that constant battle for my mind. Oh, the battle. I am really seeing it now--this is one of Satan's biggest tactics with me--he often intimidates me with fear. Yes, fear is a biggie. Not fear as in 'I'm afraid of the Bogey man", but fear of the 'what ifs'. Then there is the fear that I'm the only one in the whole world who doesn't get "it" and everyone else does. Maybe I really did miss the boat along the way somewhere and everyone is just too nice to not tell me otherwise. It is hard work to take all those thoughts captive! But I'm learning and working at being more disciplined in doing just that.
Doubt is a close second-which is a cousin to fear. At times, doubts about God's goodness creep in, or doubts about God's power and that above all, His love, grace and mercy will prevail in whatever situation arises. Again, more practice in disciplining my mind to take those thoughts to Jesus and ask Him to deal with them. I need to be careful not to 'entertain' them too long or give them to much air time on the CD player in my head.
IDK. If God has created and developed in me this drive and passion to seek after him, earnestly asking Him to guide and direct, then why does it seem so confusing? Are my spiritual eyes not open wide enough? And ears not tuned in? I have sincerely been asking for these things...yet...it is quiet recently.
What I do know (WIDK) is that I am choosing to believe that this is part of the refining process...although it really feels yucky (which refining often does) and that ultimately He will be glorified. I'm believing that something will shift soon and the Lord will shine His light on something and break some things loose. I know His purpose will be accomplished--whatever that is.
But yet, I still feel a little...oh...IDK...but I'm thankful He does.
But back to IDK; This seems to be a favorite phrase of mine these days as I'm coming to the realization, once again, that I really don't know much of anything, or understand God or His ways. There is that "mystery" thing again. So much of life is not clear cut or precise. It is messy and hazy. And I hate that part! I know these are the times when faith has the opportunity to grow more; I have the opportunity to learn more of God's character; that 'thing' in me that needs to be addressed has an opportunity to be exposed to light and dug out; and on and on. But the times that really drive me crazy is when things are so quiet. I know, I know God is still active and at work. I just wish I could see it. I think I'm tuned in. But am I?
IDK, these days I'm feeling like a total loser--but we can't trust our emotions. They are indicators of something, but we are not meant to run our life on them soley. So what is the truth? Is there something I'm just not getting because so much of life these days just doesn't make sense to me? Is this part of the process and an answer to my prayer for Him to be refining me, changing me, strengthening me? Is this the answer to my prayer to Him to show me the sin in my life and expose those areas not exposed to His light? IDK.
These are times when I feel myself stretched to the edge of despair, yet I don't despair because I do trust the Lord to be big enough to carry me through and accomplish his work. But there is that constant battle for my mind. Oh, the battle. I am really seeing it now--this is one of Satan's biggest tactics with me--he often intimidates me with fear. Yes, fear is a biggie. Not fear as in 'I'm afraid of the Bogey man", but fear of the 'what ifs'. Then there is the fear that I'm the only one in the whole world who doesn't get "it" and everyone else does. Maybe I really did miss the boat along the way somewhere and everyone is just too nice to not tell me otherwise. It is hard work to take all those thoughts captive! But I'm learning and working at being more disciplined in doing just that.
Doubt is a close second-which is a cousin to fear. At times, doubts about God's goodness creep in, or doubts about God's power and that above all, His love, grace and mercy will prevail in whatever situation arises. Again, more practice in disciplining my mind to take those thoughts to Jesus and ask Him to deal with them. I need to be careful not to 'entertain' them too long or give them to much air time on the CD player in my head.
IDK. If God has created and developed in me this drive and passion to seek after him, earnestly asking Him to guide and direct, then why does it seem so confusing? Are my spiritual eyes not open wide enough? And ears not tuned in? I have sincerely been asking for these things...yet...it is quiet recently.
What I do know (WIDK) is that I am choosing to believe that this is part of the refining process...although it really feels yucky (which refining often does) and that ultimately He will be glorified. I'm believing that something will shift soon and the Lord will shine His light on something and break some things loose. I know His purpose will be accomplished--whatever that is.
But yet, I still feel a little...oh...IDK...but I'm thankful He does.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Truth
The Lord has been teaching me a lot about truth lately. Not a fun or easy task. Actually, it is a gruelling journey that I would have opted out of many times over by now...but I can't. I was created this way; with a tenacity for truth. I remember being this way since I was a little girl, never satisfied with just whatever someone would tell me, but wanting to know the truth for myself. I guess I was inquisitive, but I know it is also what the Lord has called me to. If I truly am going to follow Christ and profess him as Lord of my life, then I want to be obedient in whatever he calls me to.
I'll confess, I'm tired of the challenges. Sure there are days I find myself bargaining with Him, or asking for a pass, but then conviction from the Holy Spirit comes strong and direct. No denying it. If I choose to live my life grounded in truth (not an easy task) then daily it will be contested and challenged because our world doesn't run by truth, or seek truth. I mean, if you think about it, look at Corporate America. It doesn't operate on truth, but rather does whatever is necessary to protect the corporation and make things continue to work. No body's job is safe (these days especially) and everyone is expendable as long as the corporation survives. But I digress--Bottom line is, I don't want to be a wimp. I want to be a good and faithful servant, and so I press on.
One of the most prominent lessons I've been learning lately is that people really aren't comfortable with truth, or generally speaking, don't really want to know the truth. I'm not just talking capital "T", as in Jesus, but just truth in general. I see this everyday in the insurance world as I talk daily to many clients. There are clients that have had my employer as their agent for years, and have always trusted him, commented that he has integrity and has never let them down; always have known him to be a dependable guy. Which is true. He is a consistent, straight-arrow type of guy that never causes waves. And yet, we get phone calls from some of these seniors who inform us that they've abruptly changed to another insurance plan and with another agent because they 'liked how the other agent looked' or spoke. (Always a great way to decide your insurance needs!) Meanwhile, what they are turning a blind eye to (and choosing not to address) is that the other agent has switched them to an insurance plan that will cost them more money and really is not the best plan to meet their needs. In the end, the only one profiting or benefiting from the deal is the insurance agent. It amazes me how many choose not to hear the truth simply because the version they are being presented with is dressed up and more appealing some how; It is more comfortable or they flat out want to believe it just because it relieves them of any responsibility or work on their own part.
I see this same vulnerability everywhere I look, and in myself. Anytime we're confronted with truth, it shows all those areas that don't align with truth that much more clearly. Truth becomes a mirror of sorts--showing the flaws such as pride, wounds, failures, mistakes. And it isn't fun. It is hard work and is always humbling. The tricky part about truth is that when we are confronted with it, it requires something from us--a response of some kind--and it is scary. But all too often, we avoid seeking truth, going after it as a treasure or probing deeper because we fear the unknown and the reality of what we'll discover. We're fearful of what being faced with the truth might demand of us. If we don't seek truth, then we can remain comfortable, status quo, and we can be confident that radical change won't be required of us.
What I'm also learning is that one of the beautiful things about truth is that there is peace when truth is present. Truth doesn't need defending. No argument can be present where there is truth because how does one argue what is true? It just is. It doesn't need a "circling of the wagons" to protect it, it stands on its own. There is freedom in truth that is not dependent upon how it is presented, or what version is given. Real truth is pure and resonates deep within the spirit. Truth connects the dots. And I'm so thankful.
I'll confess, I'm tired of the challenges. Sure there are days I find myself bargaining with Him, or asking for a pass, but then conviction from the Holy Spirit comes strong and direct. No denying it. If I choose to live my life grounded in truth (not an easy task) then daily it will be contested and challenged because our world doesn't run by truth, or seek truth. I mean, if you think about it, look at Corporate America. It doesn't operate on truth, but rather does whatever is necessary to protect the corporation and make things continue to work. No body's job is safe (these days especially) and everyone is expendable as long as the corporation survives. But I digress--Bottom line is, I don't want to be a wimp. I want to be a good and faithful servant, and so I press on.
One of the most prominent lessons I've been learning lately is that people really aren't comfortable with truth, or generally speaking, don't really want to know the truth. I'm not just talking capital "T", as in Jesus, but just truth in general. I see this everyday in the insurance world as I talk daily to many clients. There are clients that have had my employer as their agent for years, and have always trusted him, commented that he has integrity and has never let them down; always have known him to be a dependable guy. Which is true. He is a consistent, straight-arrow type of guy that never causes waves. And yet, we get phone calls from some of these seniors who inform us that they've abruptly changed to another insurance plan and with another agent because they 'liked how the other agent looked' or spoke. (Always a great way to decide your insurance needs!) Meanwhile, what they are turning a blind eye to (and choosing not to address) is that the other agent has switched them to an insurance plan that will cost them more money and really is not the best plan to meet their needs. In the end, the only one profiting or benefiting from the deal is the insurance agent. It amazes me how many choose not to hear the truth simply because the version they are being presented with is dressed up and more appealing some how; It is more comfortable or they flat out want to believe it just because it relieves them of any responsibility or work on their own part.
I see this same vulnerability everywhere I look, and in myself. Anytime we're confronted with truth, it shows all those areas that don't align with truth that much more clearly. Truth becomes a mirror of sorts--showing the flaws such as pride, wounds, failures, mistakes. And it isn't fun. It is hard work and is always humbling. The tricky part about truth is that when we are confronted with it, it requires something from us--a response of some kind--and it is scary. But all too often, we avoid seeking truth, going after it as a treasure or probing deeper because we fear the unknown and the reality of what we'll discover. We're fearful of what being faced with the truth might demand of us. If we don't seek truth, then we can remain comfortable, status quo, and we can be confident that radical change won't be required of us.
What I'm also learning is that one of the beautiful things about truth is that there is peace when truth is present. Truth doesn't need defending. No argument can be present where there is truth because how does one argue what is true? It just is. It doesn't need a "circling of the wagons" to protect it, it stands on its own. There is freedom in truth that is not dependent upon how it is presented, or what version is given. Real truth is pure and resonates deep within the spirit. Truth connects the dots. And I'm so thankful.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thanksgiving
This was our first Thanksgiving without Mom present, and, as it turned out on the calendar, Thanksgiving day also fell on mom's 71st birthday. Several of mom's friends contacted us this week, with concern in their voices and sympathy in their notes and cards letting us know they were thinking of us and missing her, knowing that this would be the first of many holidays this year that we will be celebrating without her.
I think my siblings and I all felt a little "iffy" going into the week, very aware of all the nuances of this year's feast. We were all prepared, and even had discussed that there may be a range of emotions we could feel and have on Thursday, and that it was okay; we gave permission to each other to just "be". But much to our surprise we all realized we're doing really well and it wasn't a sad day at all. In fact, it was the opposite for all of us. While we all commented at one time or another it seemed obvious someone was missing, our spirits weren't dampened at all, and none of us felt sad. We have truly done our work this past year.
Seventeen of us joined together at our house for the day: my family, my sisters and their families, and my brother and his wife. It was a full day of playing games, sharing pictures, talking and celebrating. We were really celebrating as this had been an eventful week prior to the feast day and a reminder that life continues on and is meant to be lived: My oldest niece, A and her husband C, gave birth to their first child--and the first baby of the next generation; My nephew P just finished recruit training ("boot camp") as a Marine and was able to be back home for the holidays before heading off to the other side of the states in January; and my nephew T is living in so. Calif and living his life of adventure there.
We were all truly thankful for the blessings of being together, for the acknowledgement of the losses of the past year, and for the freedom to move forward and not be held back by the events of the prior months. It truly was a day of giving thanks for God's goodness in every twist and turn in the journey on this path.
I think my siblings and I all felt a little "iffy" going into the week, very aware of all the nuances of this year's feast. We were all prepared, and even had discussed that there may be a range of emotions we could feel and have on Thursday, and that it was okay; we gave permission to each other to just "be". But much to our surprise we all realized we're doing really well and it wasn't a sad day at all. In fact, it was the opposite for all of us. While we all commented at one time or another it seemed obvious someone was missing, our spirits weren't dampened at all, and none of us felt sad. We have truly done our work this past year.
Seventeen of us joined together at our house for the day: my family, my sisters and their families, and my brother and his wife. It was a full day of playing games, sharing pictures, talking and celebrating. We were really celebrating as this had been an eventful week prior to the feast day and a reminder that life continues on and is meant to be lived: My oldest niece, A and her husband C, gave birth to their first child--and the first baby of the next generation; My nephew P just finished recruit training ("boot camp") as a Marine and was able to be back home for the holidays before heading off to the other side of the states in January; and my nephew T is living in so. Calif and living his life of adventure there.
We were all truly thankful for the blessings of being together, for the acknowledgement of the losses of the past year, and for the freedom to move forward and not be held back by the events of the prior months. It truly was a day of giving thanks for God's goodness in every twist and turn in the journey on this path.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
# 49
I've determined that my husband and I are in a weird stage of life; that strange point in time where our parents have died, our children are beginning to fly the nest, and we're aging. The collective they said it would happen. And yes, it has. We've reached that point in life where we have long hit the half-way point and are thinking about the years to come. This month being our birthday month and being on the heels of losing our Mothers this year, we're feeling our mortality and thinking more about our own health. Yep, it's true, try as I might not to conform, I'm turning into one of 'those' people (or at least conceding to the fact) that I'm an aging person!
As birthday # 49 quickly approaches, I have to confess I'm in a little bit of disbelief. I don't know that I ever really thought I'd be almost 50! I mean, old people are almost 50! (or at least my grandparents and my mother were that age once!) I still feel like the same person inside, although the exterior is beginning to show signs of wear and tear. I see my children turning into adults and I wonder how it is possible that so many years have gone by since they were infants?
Coming to terms with being an aging person, or at least nearing "senior" status and senior discount offers at restaurants, is a strange thing. I still bristle when I see something that refers to seniors as anyone over the age of 50! EXCUSE ME?? My husband is 3 years ahead of me in birthdays, and I think of him as anything but a senior citizen.
It is true though, we have become much more aware of our own personal health. Things that we once thought were remote possibilities when we were younger such as cancer, heart disease, or Alzheimer's (all of which are in our gene pool, thank you very much!) are now becoming much more real and real possibilities for us. It is a bit unnerving, really. So with this reality, we have become more intent on taking care of our health, for the long term. In prior years my health focus was just on weight control, now my goals are to not only lose weight, but to do so in order that my heart will be healthier, hopefully decreasing my factors for cancer, and reducing my risk of other diseases. Of course, the element of I-just-feel-better-and-like-the-way-my-clothes-fit-better-when-I-weigh-less-factor is in there too!
Call me slow, but I've had to come to terms with some really basic "facts" in the past few years as I've been aging. As an example, I realize that at some point I hit my peak for looking the best I was going to look, and I don't even know when that was... I wish I had known it so I could have savored it a little bit.
Some other realizations:
**Some of the really cute, sassy hair cuts out there, are off my list of options because as an 'older woman' they would look silly on me, or 'too young' for my age.
**When it comes to clothing, comfort is a big factor for me now. UGH! I swore I would never travel down this path...but I have! My dear daughters are really working hard at helping me meld comfort and fashion. They insist I can still look "cute" and be comfortable in my clothing. But again, I have to be careful in my selection of clothes so as to be (albeit unspoken) age-appropriate!
**When I've bought alcohol of any kind (don't be alarmed--rarely and for an occasional wine with dinner) at the store, there is no hesitation as to if I'm old enough to buy it or not, but now there is some discussion as to if I look my age! This really happened no too long ago. It was the oddest exchange. You know how the cash register will now prompt the checker to look at ID, regardless of age? Well, this checker, instead of asking me to flash my driver's license, just flat out asked me my age. I told her, with a long line of customers waiting in line behind mind you. She repeated my age--loudly--and began commenting that I didn't look that old, '....must have good genes', and on and on. I was beyond the point of embarrassment as I could then see the next customer in line, eyeing me as if to determine if they thought I looked that old! Yes, clearly, I've reached a new stage in wine-buying.
**My husband and I are now some of the "older" parents in school. Since our two daughters are the last of our 4 kids in high school, we have moved up in rank as the 'older parents'. It is funny as I have noticed this as well and amazed at how many "young" parents there are at high school events!
**I've decided I'm a person who wears glasses. Okay, this one has been flat-out denial for years, I'll admit it. I at first was given glasses for reading years ago, but changed to contacts along the way so I could see up close all the time and not bother with glasses. (I'm far-sighted and needed glasses when doing flowers, crafts, etc.) Then, about 5 years ago, I realized my distance was getting fuzzy and was informed this was common for my age. So, at that point, I went for the no-line, progressive tri-focals that I wore interchangeably with my contact lenses. However, since I've been working for the last 3 years, I've worn my glasses consistently at work as it is much easier to transition between projects, etc., and see well all the time; but on the weekends or when going out, I'd wear my contact lenses. During this past year, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm just a glasses-wearing person now and am going to ditch the contacts. They're not as comfortable, and again, I love the practicality that I can see well, all the time, rather than have to shift between reading glasses and contacts. (I know, kinda dumb...but a real transition I've had to make.)
**I have maintained an attitude of being a student and don't want to lose that. I want to keep learning and stretching my brain and challenging myself. I do think it is silly when people become older and decide they are too old to learn anything new, or that there is no need for it. I don't want to ever lose my desire to be teachable or learn new skills. I don't ever want to reach a point of thinking I know everything I'm going to know. I'm still making my list of things to do and classes I'd like to take in several venues, and actually a little excited knowing that the last of our kids will all be out of school in 3-1/2 short years!
And finally, if Cloris Leachman can be on Dancing with the Stars while in her 80's (although she was horrible--yet good for her!!), then there is still hope for me!
As birthday # 49 quickly approaches, I have to confess I'm in a little bit of disbelief. I don't know that I ever really thought I'd be almost 50! I mean, old people are almost 50! (or at least my grandparents and my mother were that age once!) I still feel like the same person inside, although the exterior is beginning to show signs of wear and tear. I see my children turning into adults and I wonder how it is possible that so many years have gone by since they were infants?
Coming to terms with being an aging person, or at least nearing "senior" status and senior discount offers at restaurants, is a strange thing. I still bristle when I see something that refers to seniors as anyone over the age of 50! EXCUSE ME?? My husband is 3 years ahead of me in birthdays, and I think of him as anything but a senior citizen.
It is true though, we have become much more aware of our own personal health. Things that we once thought were remote possibilities when we were younger such as cancer, heart disease, or Alzheimer's (all of which are in our gene pool, thank you very much!) are now becoming much more real and real possibilities for us. It is a bit unnerving, really. So with this reality, we have become more intent on taking care of our health, for the long term. In prior years my health focus was just on weight control, now my goals are to not only lose weight, but to do so in order that my heart will be healthier, hopefully decreasing my factors for cancer, and reducing my risk of other diseases. Of course, the element of I-just-feel-better-and-like-the-way-my-clothes-fit-better-when-I-weigh-less-factor is in there too!
Call me slow, but I've had to come to terms with some really basic "facts" in the past few years as I've been aging. As an example, I realize that at some point I hit my peak for looking the best I was going to look, and I don't even know when that was... I wish I had known it so I could have savored it a little bit.
Some other realizations:
**Some of the really cute, sassy hair cuts out there, are off my list of options because as an 'older woman' they would look silly on me, or 'too young' for my age.
**When it comes to clothing, comfort is a big factor for me now. UGH! I swore I would never travel down this path...but I have! My dear daughters are really working hard at helping me meld comfort and fashion. They insist I can still look "cute" and be comfortable in my clothing. But again, I have to be careful in my selection of clothes so as to be (albeit unspoken) age-appropriate!
**When I've bought alcohol of any kind (don't be alarmed--rarely and for an occasional wine with dinner) at the store, there is no hesitation as to if I'm old enough to buy it or not, but now there is some discussion as to if I look my age! This really happened no too long ago. It was the oddest exchange. You know how the cash register will now prompt the checker to look at ID, regardless of age? Well, this checker, instead of asking me to flash my driver's license, just flat out asked me my age. I told her, with a long line of customers waiting in line behind mind you. She repeated my age--loudly--and began commenting that I didn't look that old, '....must have good genes', and on and on. I was beyond the point of embarrassment as I could then see the next customer in line, eyeing me as if to determine if they thought I looked that old! Yes, clearly, I've reached a new stage in wine-buying.
**My husband and I are now some of the "older" parents in school. Since our two daughters are the last of our 4 kids in high school, we have moved up in rank as the 'older parents'. It is funny as I have noticed this as well and amazed at how many "young" parents there are at high school events!
**I've decided I'm a person who wears glasses. Okay, this one has been flat-out denial for years, I'll admit it. I at first was given glasses for reading years ago, but changed to contacts along the way so I could see up close all the time and not bother with glasses. (I'm far-sighted and needed glasses when doing flowers, crafts, etc.) Then, about 5 years ago, I realized my distance was getting fuzzy and was informed this was common for my age. So, at that point, I went for the no-line, progressive tri-focals that I wore interchangeably with my contact lenses. However, since I've been working for the last 3 years, I've worn my glasses consistently at work as it is much easier to transition between projects, etc., and see well all the time; but on the weekends or when going out, I'd wear my contact lenses. During this past year, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm just a glasses-wearing person now and am going to ditch the contacts. They're not as comfortable, and again, I love the practicality that I can see well, all the time, rather than have to shift between reading glasses and contacts. (I know, kinda dumb...but a real transition I've had to make.)
**I have maintained an attitude of being a student and don't want to lose that. I want to keep learning and stretching my brain and challenging myself. I do think it is silly when people become older and decide they are too old to learn anything new, or that there is no need for it. I don't want to ever lose my desire to be teachable or learn new skills. I don't ever want to reach a point of thinking I know everything I'm going to know. I'm still making my list of things to do and classes I'd like to take in several venues, and actually a little excited knowing that the last of our kids will all be out of school in 3-1/2 short years!
And finally, if Cloris Leachman can be on Dancing with the Stars while in her 80's (although she was horrible--yet good for her!!), then there is still hope for me!
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