A Decision Has Been Reached

Thank you all for weighing in on my last post. It was interesting to read various thoughts and processes that go into decision making. It reminded me a lot of my "Critical Thinking and Decision Making" class from college. I loved that class. Maybe that just attests to how geeky I am. But I find the process interesting. In fact, "intellection" is something I value according to my strengths test. But I digress....

My decision about my two jobs was actually pretty much decided at the same time I posted my last entry. I decided to stay at the insurance office. After much prayer and request for discernment and wisdom, I had overwhelming peace about NOT taking the floral design job, and peace about staying put at the insurance office.

Aside from the obvious things that I had listed about the pros and cons of both jobs, I kept asking myself just how crazy will I be if I took the flower shop job? I didn't want to be a weenie and not take the flower job just because it seemed daunting on an emotional and mental level (and this was compounded by the fact that recently I'm reading the prophets in the Old Testament and their lives were filled with being called into places where they faced nothing but adversity for their entire lives!) but really wanted to be where I felt called to be...where the Lord would and could do the most good. Over and over again I felt His Spirit telling me that I didn't need to be adding stress and emotional exhaustion to my life, that my plate was full enough with family and other issues, but rather, I needed to keep things as calm and stable as possible.

This is not to say that I didn't have several days of disappointment and feeling like the air had been sucked out of me once I made my decision. I did. I had tasted the exhilaration of stepping foot out of the insurance office and into the land of creativity that beckoned me with an assortment of flowers that was a bit like walking into a candy store.

But, here I am. Praying for contentment at the insurance office while doing work that is not personally fulfilling, praying that the Lord will develop a real servant heart in me and teach me to be a good worker despite my surroundings and circumstances. I also am continuing to do wedding work "on the side" and am looking forward to the opportunity to create in the next couple of weeks.

I don't know why the Lord allows us to go through exercises like this--may not ever know--but I do trust that I learned more and am more teachable. It doesn't mean that I've stopped praying for something else. Oh, believe me, I'm still praying that He has something for me other than the insurance office. I still have hope for something more, still praying with anticipation, and assured that He is actively working...but thankful also for His provision and sovereignty.