Moving Forward

Since January, life has been in a constant mode of chaos, significant life changes, and transitions. Today, with the sun shining, sipping coffee, and the first day of summer break for the kids, I find myself breathing a huge sigh of relief and actually have an overwhelming sense of calm enveloping me.

With the events of past months I had become accustomed to 'putting my head down and plowing through' knowing that some things just had to be taken care of or completed whether I had the emotional and physical stamina for it or not. Getting to a place of being emotionally flat, so much of the requirements of life in the past months have been just that, requirements. Going to work, getting the kids out the door to school, transporting kids to church events, working with the mortgage company and house builder on an on-going house project, settling mothers' estates, going through boxes of "stuff", and on and on. There were days I would fall into bed, thankful for the relief of sleep, but wary of waking in the morning only to find another list of "have to's" waiting for me.

As we entered these last couple of weeks with the school year nearing it's end, I was anticipating being able to check off a few more 'have to's' on the checklist. While excited to see my son graduate, honestly, I was also glad to know that his senior year was coming to an end. There are a multitude of "senior" events that are crammed into a few short weeks, beginning with prom, choir tour, year-end choir performance and recognition of seniors, Senior report presentation and reception night, senior honors and awards ceremony, senior assembly, senior baccalaureate, senior barbecue, and finally, graduation. Once the graduation was over, I found myself getting a little excited knowing that we were almost "done".

My daughter "completed" 8th grade last week, and of course, the week was filled with final 8th grade events as well. These however, did not require nearly the same parental involvement as the senior events. As a parent, after doing 8th grade 4 times, I've become okay with the idea that everyone else's parents are 'way cooler' and 'way much more fun' than me; so I understand that my involvement in some of these events would not have been welcomed, but rather greeted with the 'rolling of the eyes' and instructions from my daughter for me to go home! She duly celebrated and "completed", looking darling and thoroughly embarrassed as we called her name out as she received her certificate. To cap it off, her brothers and father stood up and whistled, shouting her name as she passed. She was bright red, but beaming because she knew she was loved.

My oldest daughter was pleased to move over to the Junior section of the gym and for a brief week, be one of the upper class men as the seniors were no longer at school. She completed her year well and was glad to be done with PE and Spanish (class) "for life".

All that to say, school is out! And I have that little stream of excitement winding its way through my body that says we're continuing to move forward. As I told my daughter yesterday, I'm beginning to feel more like myself, a little more spunky and actually finding some things enjoyable again. The other night, I had my first dream where I was creating something--which is a sure sign that I'm coming out of the fog and feeling life return to my spirit.

Moving forward will also mean moving into our new house within the next 2 months--Lord willing. All of us are remaining a little reserved and not fully realizing we actually could be living in this house--it isn't a done deal until its a done deal (know what I mean?)--but we have had fun going by and checking on the progress. We recently received notice that it will be completed sooner than anticipated. We visited it over this past weekend, and, we have grass! And two trees!! The backyard will remain un-landscaped (until who knows when)and will be on our list of things to do once we're there--but the front yard, landscaping is all part of the package.

So, here I am, feeling some vitality creeping back into my body, feeling a little more like myself than I have for 5 months, and excited that I'm moving forward. These may seem like baby steps to some, but you have to start somewhere, right?