Inside Out

As I examine my face in the mirror I can see the toll that stress has taken on my skin. All those "tiny lines" I've had now seem like defined creases that won't diminish with repeated coverage of miracle skin cream. My skin has broken out in zits more in the last year than in previous years. Even my eyes seem to have lost their sparkle and seem dull to me. When I look in the mirror, I see someone that resembles me, but yet seems like a stranger.

Adding extra "stress" pounds doesn't help either. All of my hard work last year to shed almost 20 pounds has diminished as I have gained 15 back. UGH! I'm so mad that I have to repeat all that hard work. Yet somehow, in the midst of stress, the cravings for comfort food becomes overpowering. I'll admit I had reached a place in past months where eating good food was the only enjoyable, "fun" thing going on. Pretty sad state of affairs.

And yet, the stress continues. Slowly, yet for certain, I'm learning some important God-lessons from all of this. The two most prominent lessons are: God truly is able to sustain me and is faithful in the midst of extreme stress and uncertainty; and living in stress always requires faith and exercises my faith. My tendency is to want to find a way to cope with stress; figure out a way 'get through it' and make it palatable, even dull the pain or discomfort (such as in eating comfort food). My thinking is that if I grit my teeth long enough and plow through hard enough, then I'll get through it faster and "be done." If the situation can somehow become controllable or at the very least predictable, then it is easier to get through.

Being the type of person I am, I seem to always search for a "logical" reasoning to everything. No matter how difficult a situation is, if I can understand it--that is, if it is logical, reasonable, makes sense--then I feel I can have a better handle on the situation and get through it easier. When it is a situation totally out of my control and it doesn't seem to 'make sense', I can go a little bonkers. And, surprise, I have to exercise living by faith. Funny how that works. Funny that God knows that's how I work--and so he calls me to exercise faith more and more everyday. This is what He desires for me--what following Jesus is all about--living daily by faith. Not relying on what is predictable and controllable, but living life in a place where I am fully dependent only on the Lord for everything.

I was encouraged as I read a passage in scripture that speaks directly to living by faith and that this is evidence of the Lord actively working in me. I have known this...but to be reminded again, just when I needed it...was such a blessing (and again, a reminder that He KNOWS me!). It is easy in times of stress and uncertainty to throw oneself a pity party (I've had quite a few in recent months) , or wonder if God has taken a vacation, but if anything, it is the exact opposite. God is so up-close and personal. He is growing me, maturing me, building into me, not taking something away. It is the opposite of what I think is happening. As I see my outward self aging and showing signs of stress, my inward self is being built up and strengthened, renewed & regenerated, growing & being filled fuller with Him.

As I continue living by faith, looking to Him to be my comfort and His word to be my comfort food, I know that eventually the physical will follow--the pounds will come off, the blemishes will be less, and somehow I know the sparkle will return to my eyes.