68%

"Well, Mom, now you know how it feels!"

This was my daughter's response when I told her I had failed my health insurance licensing exam this past Tuesday. At the time, she was consoling and even commiserated with me, telling me that she knew it didn't feel good to fail a test of any kind. Encouraging me, she told me I'd do better next time and inquired if I knew what parts of the test I needed to work on (just like I have asked her when she's done poorly on a test). Our roles truly had been reversed!

I have been studying for my health insurance license throughout the summer. This isn't really the career move I was looking for, or even one I have aspired to, but it is a door the Lord has clearly opened that I know I need to obediently walk through. In earlier postings I have stated how much I've wanted to get out of the insurance world and change paths, yet, here I am become more entrenched than ever. It is a bit of a mystery to me, really. My employer asked me in the spring if I would consider getting licensed in health insurance so that I could be the case worker to our Medicare clients. At the time he asked, I was mid-mothers-dying and couldn't even digest what this would mean. My boss gave me space and asked me to think about it.

In June we discussed the matter more fully and talked about what it would look like. At that time, my family was about a month from moving into a new house, so the increase in income and bonuses would be a welcomed thing. Also, my heart and attitude had been changing toward the whole realm of Medicare and seniors after my experience with my mom. I have seen the Lord really develop the passion of advocacy and help for this group of people that more than ever, need someone to come alongside them and help them with so many decisions and confusing nuances of health care at this age. And that is what has brought me to getting my health insurance license.

On Tuesday of this past week, I went for my state exam. It is a 100 question test for which they allow 2 hours to complete. I had been preparing for this exam by logging in more than 20 hours with a state-approved pre-licensing course online. A certificate of completion from this course is required by the state before they'll even allow you to take the final exam. With certificate in hand, and after passing the pre-licensing exam with a 96%, I felt pretty confident that I would be able to pass the official exam well above the minimum 70% that was required for passing.

Sitting down in my cubical in front of the computer monitor, I felt a little nervous, but not too nervous. The test screen came on and I began. I was able to answer the first couple of questions with no problem. Then I realized I began "marking" the next several questions, flagging them so I could return to them later and answer them. Midway through the test, my stomach was in knots and I was seriously anxious; more and more of the questions didn't make sense to me. I didn't recall ever studying some of the issues that were referred to, or recognize the terms that were being used. A good portion of the test covered information that wasn't even a part of my study course! How could this be??

Pushing the "submit test" button, my heart jumped and I couldn't bear to look at the final score, but finally did. "FAILED" was written boldly in the "Grade" section. My score was 68%--just two correct answers away from passing. With my mind swirling, and desiring to get out of the testing center as fast as possible, I quickly gathered my things from the issued locker, waited from my print out of the test results from test administrator and walked to my car in disbelief. Not only did I feel like a failure, but I also had that feeling that this was some kind of nightmare-ish scenario. You know, those dreams we've all had where you sit down to take a test or have a pop quiz on something that you've never even studied for. That is how I felt.

I drove back to the office, thankful that my boss is out of town for the week. At least I knew I wouldn't have to deal with his inquisition--at least not yet. Sitting down at my desk, I checked my email as is my custom when I get into the office each day, and there was a note from a co-worker, S, who works for the brother of my employer, at his insurance office in Eastern Oregon. S had taken her health insurance exam a month prior and passed with flying colors...so the pressure was on me to do as well as her. S's email was a note of encouragement meant to be received prior to the exam. She said it was pretty easy, that I would probably have no problem whatsoever and that the test was very much like the test in our course work. When I read her note I really felt dumb! I didn't think the test was anything like the practice tests in our course work...how could this be?? (Another Twilight zone moment).

I wrote back to S and explained I had failed the test, shared my thoughts about how there were whole sections that I hadn't even studied because they weren't included in our course work, etc. I told her my experience was totally different than hers and wondered how she had done so well? After receiving my email, she immediately called me, apologizing. She was feeling badly in that she had neglected to tell me she had changed courses several months ago. Initially, S and I had enrolled in the same online pre-licensing course. We had compared notes on the course and even though there were some glitches, it seemed good. What did we know? It was state-approved, and covered information that we were new to. However, S was continuing to have computer problems with her coursework and since she was a month or two ahead of me in her studies, she was caught in the middle of an update process by the company that offered the class, which deleted a section of information and so forth. I was oblivious to these issues as I had not encountered any problems with them. So, all that said, S contacted the company, demanded a refund and went with another online course that was more expensive, but, evidently, covered everything in much more detail; even their sample tests were almost identical to the state exam.

That pieces were falling into place. Clearly, she had received much better course work and preparation than I had, and it showed in the outcome of the exam. With this new information, I felt a little less stupid. In the licensing exam, I received 100% on the sections that I had studied for, but miserably failed in the sections that weren't even covered in my pre-licensing course work. I didn't have a chance, and at least now, I knew why.

Going forward from here, I need to do more studying and preparing. S has given me her log in information so that I can go through the same course that she did, making sure to get all the information I need to fill in the gaps. I've already worked through sections of the course and it is amazing how different--and complete--this course is compared to the one I used. The sample tests are in the same format as the state exam and some of the questions are identical to those on the test. Perhaps the most gratifying part is that I am encountering so much NEW information--things that were not included in the course I went through--so it feels a bit redeeming.

I'm not sure what the moral of this story is. I have to continue studying (ugh!) for a test in a field of employment that is not really my passion, yet seems to be where God is leading. Perhaps a word of caution as well; just because the state approves an on-line course, does not mean that all on-line courses are created equal--or accurate. And, it seems to be true--you get what you pay for. So, the next time you are logging in your 20 hours of pre-licensing coursework in preparation for your health insurance license...don't say you weren't warned!