Floodlight Living

In the past month my regular routines have gone out the window. With this upset of schedules, changes in homes, and so on, has come an increase in anxiety. It has been an interesting progression to observe--well maybe not interesting as much as--noticeable.

This past weekend, after another night of intermittent sleep and early waking, I had a long prayer time, pouring my heart out to the Lord. Nothing has felt "settled" and almost every area of life seems out of whack right now. I don't have that sense of peace and calm--not even in a new home.

After my wee-hours-morning-time with the Lord, I felt it heavily impressed upon me that I needed to make time in the Word a priority once again. I needed to get an anchor into the ground, something that doesn't change, something totally reliable.

So I began getting back into my old routine this week, waking early every morning, before the busy-ness of getting ready for school and work, and spending time with the Lord, reading, praying, journaling. It has only been 4 days, but man oh man, can I see a difference in my attitude and disposition. And an overwhelming peace has blanketed my spirit.

As a side note, almost a year ago, I bought a read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year Bible. For too long I had let the indecision of, 'hmm, where should I read? What should I read? What haven't I read for a long time?, etc., get in the way of really having a productive reading time. So, no more excuses, being very able to know what day it is, I merely find the date and read the scripture--Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs--everyday--or at least that is my goal.

A firm believer in the truth that Scripture is alive and relevant today,I've been amazed how everyday, the Lord has something to show me. Today, the Psalm was #56. Perhaps a well known part of this Psalm is where David (the author) says, 'If God is for me, who can be against me'. However, this wasn't the part that struck me so profoundly. The last couple of verses did.

I am under vows to you, O God;
I will present my thank offerings to
you.

For you have delivered me from death
and my feet from
stumbling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life.

What this spoke to me was this: I need to remember my covenant with the Lord. He is my savior, Lord of my Life, I am his, totally. This is not "my" life, but His.

Secondly, I need to be mindful every day, always, to be thankful, give God thanks, tell him what I'm thankful for, etc. Scripture is filled with the importance of coming to the Lord with thanksgiving, before we present our requests. This passage even reminds the reader--reminded me--that a foundational item of thanksgiving is the realization that God delivered me from death (salvation through Christ), and that He is the one that keeps me safe, steadfast, on the path rather than stumbling along in the muck and mire.

The final verse really resonated and is carrying me through the day today:

"...and I may walk before God in the light of life."

Wow! That is a promise--not a "maybe"--but assurance that remembering that God is the Lord of my life, that He is the one who is keeping me, holding my hand and keeping me from stumbling about today--because of that, I get to walk before God in His floodlight that is a vibrant, vital life. Apart from this light, there isn't any real life. The world offers substitutions that are at first alluring and attractive, but eventually disappointing. Nothing is fulfilling if it isn't covered in God's light.

When I place the things of my every day life into the context of this scripture, it gives a right perspective. The situations and circumstances may not change, but how I view them does. For example, my part-time administrative assistant job has been almost excruciating to go to these days. (I know...strong sentiment...but I'm really at that point!) Really great, generous boss, but the work itself is boring and requires very little of my mind or abilities. It is a very unsatisfying job in that I don't really feel like I'm doing what I was created to do...but it is an income so I keep doing it...and although I've been looking...the Lord hasn't opened a door to anything else. (I am VERY aware that this is how the Lord has been providing and very thankful, so don't get me wrong. In fact, in light of the scripture I read this morning, I thanked the Lord first thing for providing a job for me when I know there are so many looking for work.) What I struggle with is that I'm a person who needs/wants to do a job that really matters, long term, in the greater scope of things, so working in a small office that is centered around someone earning commissions and driven by making money, is hard to wrestle with everyday. I can't quite see how it fits in with eternity.

After reading this passage, I felt the Lord reminding me that even in my work situation, He can give it purpose and "life" because I'm walking with Him, in His light. I may not know what that is, or be able to see it, but if I keep focused on Him, giving Him thanks, He can take a very basic job and give it meaning beyond what the world offers. I'm thankful for that hope.

I know this post is a little disjointed...open journaling really...but felt I should share it. I titled this post, "Floodlight Living" because that is the perspective I want to have, especially in these days of a life that seems so "out of whack". I want to remember and be intentional about viewing the "everyday, ordinary-ness" of my life, bathed in His light of life.