Brief Update

It has been difficult finding time to post this week. Lots going on, and the need to spend more time with mom is increasing.

Just for the sake of time at this late hour of the day, here is the latest:

Mom has been sleeping more and more every day. Her greatest complaint is tiredness and weakness. Walking is now done with the assistance of a walker, and someone near by to steady her so she won't fall. She can barely put one foot in front of the other, where a week ago she was able to do so independently. We kids are going to be taking 24 hour shifts of staying with her--or something similar--which will mean missing some work and asking our families to adjust. But we all feel the need to have someone with her constantly now. The hospice nurse felt that at this point it may not be necessary to move her in with one of us, but rather, because of the progression of things, it may just be a short while anyway that we'll be staying with her.

As she declines, her confusion is getting more elaborate, with very detailed and sometimes comical stories. But she has times of great lucidity as well, so one has to constantly be on their toes. The most recent change is that she doesn't feel that her surroundings are familiar to her. She still knows people with no problem , which is a great relief. A huge blessing is that she is not frustrated by her confusion, but rather she has gotten to a place where many of her thoughts are memories, or strands of real events in the past--like when we were children-- that in some way seem to bring some comfort and joy to her.

The stress of everything is getting pretty heavy on us all. Mom did not make any preparation or plans while she was healthy, for funeral arrangements and expenses, so this has fallen to us to take care of, including the full financial responsibility that accompanies this. Needless to say, this is an additional financial burden on each of our families that we had not anticipated. The funeral home has set up a trust that others can contribute to help defray costs. This has been a blessing to us as some of Mom's friends and church family have contributed to help carry this load with us. We are under pressure knowing that all services have to be paid for in full prior to them providing services! So many things we didn't know about before that we are getting a quick eduction in now!

So many details, and so many relatives and friends who love mom and are wanting to see her one last time. This past weekend we actually scheduled visits so that more people could see mom. We "supervised" and kept things short so as not to tire her out. Mom also feels more relaxed when one of us kids are with her. Since it is becoming harder for her to really engage in conversation, it helps to have one of us there to field questions or talk about things for Mom. I think we've figured out our routine pretty well. It actually was a privilege to spend time with more of Mom's friends and church family members during these visits. We laughed, we all cried together, we told stories and we all rejoiced in having hope and assurance of knowing Mom will be in Heaven. Mom even chimed in at one point and said, "I just know I'll want to tell you what it is like as soon as I'm there!"

Tonight as I tucked Mom into bed and kissed her goodnight, I couldn't hold back the tears. I seem to be crying a lot these days. The reality of it all is setting in and nearness of her departure to Heaven is coming quickly. I'm so glad she'll be whole and healthy, but the weight of sadness is bearing down hard on all of us.