As I write this, my mother-in-law is the the process of "actively dying". This is a term I was introduced to when my mother was in her process of dying. My siblings and I were educated by the hospice nurse as to what signs to look for that would signal her body was entering the final phases of life. We learned about "mottling" of the feet and legs and Cheyne-Stokes breathing patterns. We watched and waited for theses signs to let us know that she was near the end of her journey. Yesterday when my husband called me from the coast, he gave me an update on his Mother's condition that included some of these same signs indicating that his mother only has a few days, possibly hours, to live. On Wednesday the doctors concurred that perhaps she had a week or two to live, but Friday night/Saturday morning, her conditioned changed and she is showing signs of her body shutting down.
As I shared with the kids about their grandmother, the news was hard to give and difficult to receive. My daughter said, "this stinks, Mom." I agree. Of course I'm reminded of all of God's promises. We cling to them daily...and have for months. But the reality of living life daily like this has been hard and is hard. It is exhausting. Yet, daily, we are miraculously sustained. Once again we are feeling all too familiar emotions--or actually, just a continuation of emotions--those feelings of relief that Isobel is near the end of her journey and will find rest and wholeness in Heaven, thankful that she knows the Lord and that one day we will be reunited with her in Heaven; sadness for the loss; stress from dealing with family and details; fatigue from many, many sleepless nights; and it goes on and on. Why the kids will lose their only grandmothers--their only remaining grandparents--within 6 weeks of each other is a mystery to me. But I know this is all part of the lives we live and the part of God we don't understand. We don't understand His wisdom or His timing. We can only choose to trust Him and lean hard into Him while He wraps us up in His arms.
I had an odd thought yesterday as I worked on processing things. It occurred to me that neither of our mother's knew the other one was sick. Because of both of their illnesses and physical conditions, we had not told them about the other, concerned that it would burden them more in some way, or cause them to worry about my husband and me, and their grand kids that much more. Yet here they are, soon to be reunited in Heaven. It wouldn't surprise me if my Mom is part of the greeting committee that welcomes Isobel.
As I shared with the kids about their grandmother, the news was hard to give and difficult to receive. My daughter said, "this stinks, Mom." I agree. Of course I'm reminded of all of God's promises. We cling to them daily...and have for months. But the reality of living life daily like this has been hard and is hard. It is exhausting. Yet, daily, we are miraculously sustained. Once again we are feeling all too familiar emotions--or actually, just a continuation of emotions--those feelings of relief that Isobel is near the end of her journey and will find rest and wholeness in Heaven, thankful that she knows the Lord and that one day we will be reunited with her in Heaven; sadness for the loss; stress from dealing with family and details; fatigue from many, many sleepless nights; and it goes on and on. Why the kids will lose their only grandmothers--their only remaining grandparents--within 6 weeks of each other is a mystery to me. But I know this is all part of the lives we live and the part of God we don't understand. We don't understand His wisdom or His timing. We can only choose to trust Him and lean hard into Him while He wraps us up in His arms.
I had an odd thought yesterday as I worked on processing things. It occurred to me that neither of our mother's knew the other one was sick. Because of both of their illnesses and physical conditions, we had not told them about the other, concerned that it would burden them more in some way, or cause them to worry about my husband and me, and their grand kids that much more. Yet here they are, soon to be reunited in Heaven. It wouldn't surprise me if my Mom is part of the greeting committee that welcomes Isobel.
Boy, God's timing is sure a mystery sometimes isn't it? I know He has it all figured out but that doesn't stop my little pea brain from straining to understand it too.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that your family is once again plunged into the deep ocean of grief...before you've even been able to come up for air. I'm praying for your family. If I can do anything else, please call!