Today

I just exchanged an email with a dear friend and mentioned in my email that I have enough energy for "today", but that is about it. But in reality, that's all I'm called to isn't it? Today. The more I'm in this process of life, the more I really know I don't know anything. Yet, at the same time, I'm experiencing greater freedom and the burden is so much less because I'm not trying to carry all of that weight of thinking I have to make sense out of everything. I'm learning to trust the Lord deeper and lean on Him more fully. And today, He is giving me more opportunity to practice this and exercise this discipline of leaning and trusting.

My husband's mother, Isobel, had a heart attack yesterday and today is in ICU in a hospital on the coast. She is 18 years older than my mother, and has been in poor health for years. We had always thought she would precede my mother in death. In fact, she has been on death's doorstep numerous times, and each time we had thought, 'this is it', yet somehow, miraculously, she would bounce back. And this time--we just don't know --again.

Throughout this past year, my husband and I have joked--perhaps in poor taste--that it would be just like "life" to have both of our mother's die at the same time. We both breathed a sigh of relief last week when I said to my husband, "Hey, our mothers didn't die at the same time!" (Honest, I really said that!)

So, here we are today in that strange in-between place where one really knows and understands they have no control over anything, or a say in the outcome; only God has that power and sovereignty--and right. And so today, we rest in knowing He's in control, He knows the bigger picture, He knows what the previous weeks/months have been like, He knows how much we can handle.

He knows...