Unexpected Changes

Gosh. I really wasn't prepared for this. I had thought we had escaped it; even thankful that she didn't have Alzheimer's. At least with the confusion brought on by unfiltered toxins traveling from her liver to her brain, Mom still always knew who I was...always knew we were her children. Until yesterday.

We thought Mom would be slipping into a coma any day--this is what we were preparing for emotionally-- as this was how she was behaving--what all the "signs" were saying. But suddenly Monday night, she woke up from a nap in a state of confusion and agitation. She didn't know where she was, why she was there, or what was going on in general. Early Tuesday morning, she became insistent that she was "going home" and even tried to get herself out of bed and out the door! It was first thought that perhaps she was saying she's ready to go to home to Heaven? But no--nothing quite so "tidy" and spiritual as that--but rather, she was insistent that she didn't belong at the apartment she was staying in and literally had another home somewhere else where her children and parents were waiting.

It is becoming more clear that she has nestled down, in her mind, somewhere in the past where all of her children are toddlers or just slightly older. She vividly recalls details about pictures hanging on the walls (although none of the them sound familiar to me) and tells stories of trips or conversations she just had "yesterday". In her mind's eye her children are very little, so as she looked in my middle-aged face and I told her I was her daughter Cheryl, I could see she didn't believe me--or recognize me.

When I stayed overnight with her last night, she treated me cordially and said I did "good work", all the while I knew she thought I was some unskilled nurse's aide. She gave me a shocked look when I asked her if I could give her a kiss on her cheek and a hug. She said, "okay, if you really want to", but looked a little confused and wondering why I would greet her this way. After I kissed her cheek, she said, "I'm most appreciative of your greetings." Huh?

This is pretty yucky territory to be in. What was already exhausting, has now pushed us all further than we thought we were able to go. We are giving her some medication that should help lessen the affects of her agitation and calm her some, but mostly, we're learning as we go, talking to Stacey our hospice nurse, comparing notes between siblings, figuring out what works best. I found that role playing to a certain degree helped mom remain relaxed and reassured. At 4 AM this morning when she wanted to "go home" and attempted to throw her legs over the side of the bed, I reminded her that everyone was still asleep, and would be at home as well, and that it was best not to disturb them. 'We could wait until morning and then think about that.' (Of course, I was hoping she would forget about the whole idea by this morning!) That seemed to hold her until day light.

Guess that's all. I'm tired. Hoping to sleep some at home tonight and get refreshed for another all night-er Thursday and full day Friday at Mom's. We're praying that the Lord will choose to bring Mom home soon. Please pray with us that she will have peace and rest soon.