This was our first Thanksgiving without Mom present, and, as it turned out on the calendar, Thanksgiving day also fell on mom's 71st birthday. Several of mom's friends contacted us this week, with concern in their voices and sympathy in their notes and cards letting us know they were thinking of us and missing her, knowing that this would be the first of many holidays this year that we will be celebrating without her.
I think my siblings and I all felt a little "iffy" going into the week, very aware of all the nuances of this year's feast. We were all prepared, and even had discussed that there may be a range of emotions we could feel and have on Thursday, and that it was okay; we gave permission to each other to just "be". But much to our surprise we all realized we're doing really well and it wasn't a sad day at all. In fact, it was the opposite for all of us. While we all commented at one time or another it seemed obvious someone was missing, our spirits weren't dampened at all, and none of us felt sad. We have truly done our work this past year.
Seventeen of us joined together at our house for the day: my family, my sisters and their families, and my brother and his wife. It was a full day of playing games, sharing pictures, talking and celebrating. We were really celebrating as this had been an eventful week prior to the feast day and a reminder that life continues on and is meant to be lived: My oldest niece, A and her husband C, gave birth to their first child--and the first baby of the next generation; My nephew P just finished recruit training ("boot camp") as a Marine and was able to be back home for the holidays before heading off to the other side of the states in January; and my nephew T is living in so. Calif and living his life of adventure there.
We were all truly thankful for the blessings of being together, for the acknowledgement of the losses of the past year, and for the freedom to move forward and not be held back by the events of the prior months. It truly was a day of giving thanks for God's goodness in every twist and turn in the journey on this path.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
# 49
I've determined that my husband and I are in a weird stage of life; that strange point in time where our parents have died, our children are beginning to fly the nest, and we're aging. The collective they said it would happen. And yes, it has. We've reached that point in life where we have long hit the half-way point and are thinking about the years to come. This month being our birthday month and being on the heels of losing our Mothers this year, we're feeling our mortality and thinking more about our own health. Yep, it's true, try as I might not to conform, I'm turning into one of 'those' people (or at least conceding to the fact) that I'm an aging person!
As birthday # 49 quickly approaches, I have to confess I'm in a little bit of disbelief. I don't know that I ever really thought I'd be almost 50! I mean, old people are almost 50! (or at least my grandparents and my mother were that age once!) I still feel like the same person inside, although the exterior is beginning to show signs of wear and tear. I see my children turning into adults and I wonder how it is possible that so many years have gone by since they were infants?
Coming to terms with being an aging person, or at least nearing "senior" status and senior discount offers at restaurants, is a strange thing. I still bristle when I see something that refers to seniors as anyone over the age of 50! EXCUSE ME?? My husband is 3 years ahead of me in birthdays, and I think of him as anything but a senior citizen.
It is true though, we have become much more aware of our own personal health. Things that we once thought were remote possibilities when we were younger such as cancer, heart disease, or Alzheimer's (all of which are in our gene pool, thank you very much!) are now becoming much more real and real possibilities for us. It is a bit unnerving, really. So with this reality, we have become more intent on taking care of our health, for the long term. In prior years my health focus was just on weight control, now my goals are to not only lose weight, but to do so in order that my heart will be healthier, hopefully decreasing my factors for cancer, and reducing my risk of other diseases. Of course, the element of I-just-feel-better-and-like-the-way-my-clothes-fit-better-when-I-weigh-less-factor is in there too!
Call me slow, but I've had to come to terms with some really basic "facts" in the past few years as I've been aging. As an example, I realize that at some point I hit my peak for looking the best I was going to look, and I don't even know when that was... I wish I had known it so I could have savored it a little bit.
Some other realizations:
**Some of the really cute, sassy hair cuts out there, are off my list of options because as an 'older woman' they would look silly on me, or 'too young' for my age.
**When it comes to clothing, comfort is a big factor for me now. UGH! I swore I would never travel down this path...but I have! My dear daughters are really working hard at helping me meld comfort and fashion. They insist I can still look "cute" and be comfortable in my clothing. But again, I have to be careful in my selection of clothes so as to be (albeit unspoken) age-appropriate!
**When I've bought alcohol of any kind (don't be alarmed--rarely and for an occasional wine with dinner) at the store, there is no hesitation as to if I'm old enough to buy it or not, but now there is some discussion as to if I look my age! This really happened no too long ago. It was the oddest exchange. You know how the cash register will now prompt the checker to look at ID, regardless of age? Well, this checker, instead of asking me to flash my driver's license, just flat out asked me my age. I told her, with a long line of customers waiting in line behind mind you. She repeated my age--loudly--and began commenting that I didn't look that old, '....must have good genes', and on and on. I was beyond the point of embarrassment as I could then see the next customer in line, eyeing me as if to determine if they thought I looked that old! Yes, clearly, I've reached a new stage in wine-buying.
**My husband and I are now some of the "older" parents in school. Since our two daughters are the last of our 4 kids in high school, we have moved up in rank as the 'older parents'. It is funny as I have noticed this as well and amazed at how many "young" parents there are at high school events!
**I've decided I'm a person who wears glasses. Okay, this one has been flat-out denial for years, I'll admit it. I at first was given glasses for reading years ago, but changed to contacts along the way so I could see up close all the time and not bother with glasses. (I'm far-sighted and needed glasses when doing flowers, crafts, etc.) Then, about 5 years ago, I realized my distance was getting fuzzy and was informed this was common for my age. So, at that point, I went for the no-line, progressive tri-focals that I wore interchangeably with my contact lenses. However, since I've been working for the last 3 years, I've worn my glasses consistently at work as it is much easier to transition between projects, etc., and see well all the time; but on the weekends or when going out, I'd wear my contact lenses. During this past year, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm just a glasses-wearing person now and am going to ditch the contacts. They're not as comfortable, and again, I love the practicality that I can see well, all the time, rather than have to shift between reading glasses and contacts. (I know, kinda dumb...but a real transition I've had to make.)
**I have maintained an attitude of being a student and don't want to lose that. I want to keep learning and stretching my brain and challenging myself. I do think it is silly when people become older and decide they are too old to learn anything new, or that there is no need for it. I don't want to ever lose my desire to be teachable or learn new skills. I don't ever want to reach a point of thinking I know everything I'm going to know. I'm still making my list of things to do and classes I'd like to take in several venues, and actually a little excited knowing that the last of our kids will all be out of school in 3-1/2 short years!
And finally, if Cloris Leachman can be on Dancing with the Stars while in her 80's (although she was horrible--yet good for her!!), then there is still hope for me!
As birthday # 49 quickly approaches, I have to confess I'm in a little bit of disbelief. I don't know that I ever really thought I'd be almost 50! I mean, old people are almost 50! (or at least my grandparents and my mother were that age once!) I still feel like the same person inside, although the exterior is beginning to show signs of wear and tear. I see my children turning into adults and I wonder how it is possible that so many years have gone by since they were infants?
Coming to terms with being an aging person, or at least nearing "senior" status and senior discount offers at restaurants, is a strange thing. I still bristle when I see something that refers to seniors as anyone over the age of 50! EXCUSE ME?? My husband is 3 years ahead of me in birthdays, and I think of him as anything but a senior citizen.
It is true though, we have become much more aware of our own personal health. Things that we once thought were remote possibilities when we were younger such as cancer, heart disease, or Alzheimer's (all of which are in our gene pool, thank you very much!) are now becoming much more real and real possibilities for us. It is a bit unnerving, really. So with this reality, we have become more intent on taking care of our health, for the long term. In prior years my health focus was just on weight control, now my goals are to not only lose weight, but to do so in order that my heart will be healthier, hopefully decreasing my factors for cancer, and reducing my risk of other diseases. Of course, the element of I-just-feel-better-and-like-the-way-my-clothes-fit-better-when-I-weigh-less-factor is in there too!
Call me slow, but I've had to come to terms with some really basic "facts" in the past few years as I've been aging. As an example, I realize that at some point I hit my peak for looking the best I was going to look, and I don't even know when that was... I wish I had known it so I could have savored it a little bit.
Some other realizations:
**Some of the really cute, sassy hair cuts out there, are off my list of options because as an 'older woman' they would look silly on me, or 'too young' for my age.
**When it comes to clothing, comfort is a big factor for me now. UGH! I swore I would never travel down this path...but I have! My dear daughters are really working hard at helping me meld comfort and fashion. They insist I can still look "cute" and be comfortable in my clothing. But again, I have to be careful in my selection of clothes so as to be (albeit unspoken) age-appropriate!
**When I've bought alcohol of any kind (don't be alarmed--rarely and for an occasional wine with dinner) at the store, there is no hesitation as to if I'm old enough to buy it or not, but now there is some discussion as to if I look my age! This really happened no too long ago. It was the oddest exchange. You know how the cash register will now prompt the checker to look at ID, regardless of age? Well, this checker, instead of asking me to flash my driver's license, just flat out asked me my age. I told her, with a long line of customers waiting in line behind mind you. She repeated my age--loudly--and began commenting that I didn't look that old, '....must have good genes', and on and on. I was beyond the point of embarrassment as I could then see the next customer in line, eyeing me as if to determine if they thought I looked that old! Yes, clearly, I've reached a new stage in wine-buying.
**My husband and I are now some of the "older" parents in school. Since our two daughters are the last of our 4 kids in high school, we have moved up in rank as the 'older parents'. It is funny as I have noticed this as well and amazed at how many "young" parents there are at high school events!
**I've decided I'm a person who wears glasses. Okay, this one has been flat-out denial for years, I'll admit it. I at first was given glasses for reading years ago, but changed to contacts along the way so I could see up close all the time and not bother with glasses. (I'm far-sighted and needed glasses when doing flowers, crafts, etc.) Then, about 5 years ago, I realized my distance was getting fuzzy and was informed this was common for my age. So, at that point, I went for the no-line, progressive tri-focals that I wore interchangeably with my contact lenses. However, since I've been working for the last 3 years, I've worn my glasses consistently at work as it is much easier to transition between projects, etc., and see well all the time; but on the weekends or when going out, I'd wear my contact lenses. During this past year, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm just a glasses-wearing person now and am going to ditch the contacts. They're not as comfortable, and again, I love the practicality that I can see well, all the time, rather than have to shift between reading glasses and contacts. (I know, kinda dumb...but a real transition I've had to make.)
**I have maintained an attitude of being a student and don't want to lose that. I want to keep learning and stretching my brain and challenging myself. I do think it is silly when people become older and decide they are too old to learn anything new, or that there is no need for it. I don't want to ever lose my desire to be teachable or learn new skills. I don't ever want to reach a point of thinking I know everything I'm going to know. I'm still making my list of things to do and classes I'd like to take in several venues, and actually a little excited knowing that the last of our kids will all be out of school in 3-1/2 short years!
And finally, if Cloris Leachman can be on Dancing with the Stars while in her 80's (although she was horrible--yet good for her!!), then there is still hope for me!
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