Walking on Dry Land

You know you're in a new place of life when the book of Ecclesiastes begins making sense!

In a conversation with my husband yesterday, we talked about the flood of thoughts, fears, emotions and apprehensions that have crept into life as we celebrate birthdays this next month and head deeper into our 50's. Admittedly, we are stunned at how quickly half of our lives have passed, seemingly in a blink of the eye, and the remaining years are fewer than what we've lived to date.  (I know...sounds so morose.)

We find ourselves challenged by the next 20-30 years (hopefully) and wonder, dare I say 'petition' the Lord, as to how He wants to, or even can, use us to further His purpose and be part of His story in the time we live in. Admittedly, it is hard for us to 'see' what that may be, but we have faith and confidence that He is able to do it....but our faith and confidence wane from time to time.  The pressures of the more immediate make it difficult to keep our eyes on the goal so-to-speak.

This past week or so-- no, back that up to the last month--the daily pressures of life, accompanied by 'life' itself have been building up inside of me.  Some of the pressures are good, such as when my manager asked me to be part of a 2-person team to write a 'playbook' for an account that will be distributed to other service providers in the state as a guide.  It is great knowing someone has confidence in my ability and appreciates my understanding for the account, experience, and so forth, but then again, one more thing has been added to my "To Do" list, with a very short deadline in sight.

Another part of this equation is that as children grow, their problems go from being child-like issues, to that of adult, potentially life-changing issues.  As parents, we're always parents, and so we find ourselves walking the fine line; walking alongside them, ready to hold on to them if needed, supporting and guiding, yet letting them walk on their own and navigating this part of the journey independently.  But it all takes energy--lots of emotional and spiritual energy--and I'll confess, it can be exhausting at times as each of them are daily, very present in my thoughts and prayers.

Wanting to continue to grow in the Lord and live a life that is purposeful, for Him, is also a 'pressure' of sorts, or at least a desire that continually stirs and drives me. I am challenged by the idea of being more connected in my 'community'--whatever that may be.  It my be my work community, my neighborhood, the circle of friends I have on FB or wherever; but the desire that has been placed in me is relentless.  How or what does this look like?  What are the opportunities that I have everyday to show others Christ; to let them know of  the love He has for them; for sharing the Hope that I have and the only real sure thing to cling to in this life?  Again, this is a very positive thing, but a 'pressure' of sorts that layers my body with emotions, questions, and a mental puzzle that I work on almost daily.

The relief valve gave way last night. I'm so thankful for the relief that comes in the form of tears; a release of the pressure that has been building; a way for the angst, fears and desires for control to be released.

In church last night, as worship in song was taking place, I sat quietly praying, asking and seeking the Lord's word to me in the midst of the noise of life.  I handed him my fears, my angst, my anger, my joys, my hurts, my insecurities, my pride, the 'unknowns', the pain (mine and that of others), my many 'roles' in life--wife, mother, friend, employee, mentor--and even whatever His purpose for me is in the grand scheme of things.

As I produced a mental picture of piling everything into a large basket and handing it over to Him, I confessed that I felt I was drowning under the weight of everything and that I knew I couldn't continue juggling everything on my own.  (I have this tendency to do that.  And usually find myself back at this place from time to time.) It has all just been too much.  I couldn't see to the other side of anything...just the road block that was so present in front of me...the obstacles that just seem too big, too difficult, too much.

In a moment that was clearly divine, a very real, technicolor picture filled my mind;  God parting the Red Sea. With that came these thoughts: the children of Israel had fears and were being chased by far worse enemies than I have; when they came to the edge of the Red Sea, they had run out of  "road" or a clear path to travel on, they probably also felt that there was no place to go and couldn't see beyond what was in front of them; and best of all, when God parted the Red Sea for them, they walked on dry land through the middle of that obstacle.

What a 'word' from the Lord! All I can say is, Wow! God doesn't "muddy" things, or only half-way do things.  When he 'directs our paths' we'll know; I have to keep looking and trusting.  In the midst of 'life' chasing us, He will make a way.

He will make a way for me.

Thank you, Lord!

Silver

Our Wedding Day:
July 27, 1985

My husband and I celebrated our 25th Wedding anniversary this week.  It is hard to believe that 25 years have passed since that day.

I spent some time thinking back over the years, reflecting on all that has taken place.  We have experienced joys that can't be surpassed, trials that we didn't think we'd survive, and sorrows that we  wished we could have avoided. 

But, all in all, there is so much to be thankful for, such as:

 ~ the blessing of our 4 children

~ the Lord's grace and mercy that have allowed us to hold true to our commitment to one another for all these years.

~ a shared foundation of faith that has kept us grounded and on the same footing
~ a shared commitment to forgiving and loving one another

~ continually learning and growing

~ the blessing of being married and sharing my life with Ron

Confessions of a Blogger

I have something to confess.  Beginning this blogging journey once again is a bit of stretch for me, yet I know it is something I need to do. I'll explain...

A couple of weeks ago I ran into a dear friend whom I had not seen in person in over a year.  We had exchanged some Facebook comments and emails in past months, but that had been about it.  As we talked face to face, she brought up something about my writing.  I was a little caught off guard and told her I hadn't written in over a year and didn't know if I could or would get back to it.  Strangely, while we talked, I felt a well of emotion bubbling to the top and was unsure as to why I was feeling so unsteady.  Her kind words were poking at a tender spot that I hadn't realized was there.  (Giving more thought to this, I think I was feeling emotional because actually, what I had done out of self-preservation was to convince myself that writing/blogging was something I 'used to do' and that this 'season' of my life had passed even though it was something I used to enjoy so deeply.)

In the past several years, my family and I have had some deep wounds (some imposed by others) that have needed time to heal, and making myself vulnerable again to others outside of my safe circle  has been scary for me. So naturally, blogging--a very public forum-- has gone to the wayside.  I mean, realistically, who in their right mind likes to lay themselves open to the general public for comments, criticisms and critiques?  But when I get my focus back on the purpose, then things change.

When I started this blog, I felt so compelled to just be me and to share "Thoughts about living real life as a real follower of Jesus....and other things to ponder."  When I reflect on this, I still am so convinced that this is a call on my life. I don't know why, but it is something that presses on me...to be 'real', to be vulnerable and transparent.  If  the Lord can use any of this somehow for His glory and to lead others to Himself, then I want to be obedient in doing whatever He asks of me. But truthfully, I just haven't thought about blogging in that way for quite awhile. Thankfully, through this friend, He gave me a peek at the bigger picture and a renewal in my spirit.  It's not about me....but Him. When I focus on the Lord and what HE might be doing, then I feel courage and creativity flowing back into weary bones and brain cells.

I don't share this in hopes of getting pats on the back, or even a 'hooray for you', but just to share.  That's really what it comes down to.

I doubt this will be the most profound thing that anyone reads today.  But maybe, just maybe, the Lord, in His divinely loving supernatural way of doing things, will use it to touch a life.

Thank you Lord, for courage, strength and focus today.  Thank you for continual healing and your life-giving breath in my life.

Blueberries

Yesterday was a very "blue" day for our family. We picked blueberries at a local farm. The weather was perfect and everyone was very up for the adventure. The crop was so bountiful that we nearly couldn't stop ourselves but finally regained control and put the buckets down after picking 64.7 lbs!

Needless to say, our freezer will be well-stocked for the next year! What a blessing to be able to go pick these abundant, beautiful blue gems !

Summertime!

Well....I took quite the break from blogging! Wow! Over 10 months since my last post! Guess I haven't had much to ponder?

Nope, that's not it....just not pondering 'out loud' I guess.

Anyway, it seems that it is time to ponder publicly once again! You may have noticed that I changed my page format too. It was time for that as well.

Summer so far:

JUNE

Graduation for child #3! It is true what 'they' say; I blinked and she grew up quickly! Miss H was a beautiful graduate and did well completing school. Thankfully her senior-itis didn't kick in until May. With my sons it hit about the second week of September during their senior years! Work and community college are part of her plan for the time being. The first task is finding the elusive job! Please pray that she will find something soon.

~~~~~~~~

A few weeks ago, we were having a garage sale. As my kids and I sat on the driveway in the late afternoon, we saw several groups of children and adults going to our neighbor's house next door. Everyone was dressed up and the children were each carrying birthday gift bags. Other children had been over earlier, playing in the sprinklers with the young boy that lives there and we surmised it was his birthday and they were having a fun celebration.

After about 45 minutes had passed, the husband/dad that lives at this same house, pulled up in his car. I said hello and said something like, 'looks like you're having a birthday party today!' He was a distance away and said, "what?" I repeated myself and smiled and he just kind of looked at me odd and smiled back, saying, 'maybe so'. I figured he hadn't heard me really and didn't know how to respond. He waved at me and proceeded to put his house key in the lock of his front door.

At that same moment, my son, who witnessed this transaction looked at me and said, 'Mom, what if the birthday party is for him?" We paused for a moment and then convinced ourselves that it was the young son's birthday based on all the physical evidence, the children with the gifts, the....

Then we hear "Surprise!" as our neighbor opened his front door!

Mortification at its best. Or as my daughter would say, epic failure. It was. I ruined my neighbor's surprise birthday party just before he walked through the door! Oh my!

I'm still on speaking terms with our neighbors--or I should say that they're still speaking to me, but I think going forward, I will dial back the 'being neighborly' factor just a notch!

JULY

While a group of us stood on our front lawn setting off fireworks on Independence Day, we became very aware of 2 sparrows taking alternating 'dive bombing runs 'at us. Taking cover, we watched the birds, figuring there must be a nest near by. To our amazement, we saw them fly back to a nest that was tucked up under the eaves of our roof. We had no idea! Soon we heard lots of little chirping and realized there were babies in the nest!

Seeing those birds and the nest and hearing those little babies made me think of Psalm 84. Actually it made me think of the song--but the whole Psalm is good !

(New Living Translation)

1 How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of Heaven’s Armies.

2 I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the Lord. With my whole being, body and soul, I will shout joyfully to the living God.

3 Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow builds her nest and raises her young at a place near your altar, O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, my King and my God!

4 What joy for those who can live in your house, always singing your praises.

5 What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.

6 When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.

7 They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

8 O Lord God of Heaven’s Armies, hear my prayer. Listen, O God of Jacob.

9 O God, look with favor upon the king, our shield! Show favor to the one you have anointed.

10 A single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else! I would rather be a gatekeeper in the house of my God than live the good life in the homes of the wicked.

11 For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

12 O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, what joy for those who trust in you.

I'm so thankful for the encouragement and truth of the Word and His reminders throughout everyday of His faithfulness, presence and intimacy in our lives!

I'll be back with more....

Step Out

Nearly a year ago, our 16 year-old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Her life was forever changed with that diagnosis. That is why our family is walking and raising funds for the American Diabetes Association’s signature fundraising walk, Step Out: Walk to Fight Diabetes happening in September.

Every step we take and every dollar we raise will make a difference in the lives of 23.6 million Americans living with diabetes. By making a donation on my behalf, you will be helping the Association provide community-based education programs, protect the rights of people with diabetes and fund critical research for a cure.

Please visit my personal web page Hannah: The reason I am joining the Walk to Fight Diabetes to read about my daughter Hannah and her journey. Your 100% tax deductible donation can also be made by visiting this link. (If you do not want to donate online, please make your check payable to the American Diabetes Association and contact me for a mailing address. )

With the help of people like you, the American Diabetes Association can raise over $20 million to help stop diabetes.Please help me reach my goal by supporting me for this year's Step Out: Walk to Fight Diabetes. Together we can stop diabetes. One step at a time.

Thanks so much!