I have had some realizations over the past few months and thought I would jot them down. Some 'jottings' are ah-ha's I've had about myself, life or activities; others are reminders to me about how the Lord has been actively working in the day-to-day-ness of life.
These, by the way, are not in order of importance or discovery:
~ Facebook is a neat idea, but I really don't know that I want to put a lot of time into it. Well, actually, I haven't devoted a lot of time to it. I tend to check in once a week to get caught up with everyone and check their "status"--but currently it feels more like a "have to" rather than and "get to". And I have as yet to complete one of those survey things. I don't know...maybe I'll become an avid Facebook-er at some point..but it definitely isn't right now.
~ I don't pray big enough. The Lord has answered prayers in very BIG ways in the past couple of months. Things that seemed daunting and impossible have taken place, and these were all in direct response to the prayers of others; those whose gifting is prayer and pray with deep faith. I realized that sometimes when I pray, I have a question mark in my heart. When my lips are asking the Lord to 'make a way', in my heart I think I have prayed, 'are you able to make a way?' Yep...I've been learning more about prayer and God doing the seemingly impossible, because of the prayers of others.
~ The Holy Spirit has been leading. The Lord has been stretching my faith over the past several years and testing in so many ways. I have often prayed that He would 'tune my ears, eyes and heart' to hear him and seem him in action, and to follow Him. He has been so dear to confirm to me that I have been hearing Him, seeing Him and following Him. He is good to give this encouragement along the way. He has been increasing my faith in profound ways.
~ I still have so many questions about being an authentic--real--follower of Jesus and what that looks like. I believe we are to walk in truth and unity as scripture says. With that as the directive, what do you do when really walking in truth affects others' lives? What if the truth in my life has the potential to affect others in very positive ways, yet the flip side is that others may suffer 'natural consequences' which may all be a part of how the Lord wants to bring about change and discipline? Do I have enough faith to live my real life as the Lord directs, fully aware there is always a personal 'cost' to me , or am I getting hung up on wanting to protect others (and myself) and keep them (and me) from pain of some sort? What if I'm circumventing the fullness of what God wants to do in their lives because I don't trust Him to be sovereign? What if I'm circumventing the fullness of what God wants to do in MY life, because I'm not willing to be faithful? This is my greatest spiritual battle right now.
~ I'm so thankful for my children and husband. I am continually encouraged how the Lord parents and teaches me to be a good wife. I fall short all the time in these areas, but He has been faithful in showing me how to do both. I'm thankful for forgiving children and a husband that love me in spite of my shortcomings and failings. I'm thankful for how the Lord has grown me and matured me as a person by allowing me to be a wife and mother.
~ Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. This isn't just an ode to John Denver's song from the 70's, but a truth about me; I need the sunshine! And I'm so thankful for the few spring-inspired days we've had recently. Oh, it has been wonderful. I've even treated myself to some fresh cut tulips recently. It has been rejuvenating!
~ In the past few weeks I have felt a hopefulness that hasn't been there in a very long time. I want to move forward onto a new path. Begin life fresh. What that looks like...I have no idea. I'm praying that the Lord will show me.
~ Next November I will turn 50! That means I have 9 months to lose the stress weight I have put on over the last year and a half! Ugh!! I'll admit it isn't just for health reasons--although as I'm getting older, that is more of an issue--it is vanity as well. I don't want to look at pictures of myself from my 50th birthday party and think, "gosh, I'm so fat!" Instead, I'd prefer to look at the pictures and think, 'I look pretty good for an older gal!' Hey, whatever it takes to get the job done, right? So, this week, I need to determine the best plan of action and implement it!
~ I need a project. I have plenty of painting projects around my house, but I think I need some kind of creative outlet. I don't know for certain. Maybe if I started painting walls again I'd feel better? Not sure. I do know that I'm really antsy right now and am needing to keep my hands busy!
~ And finally, the one hope, the one anchor I have in this life is Jesus. Everyone and everything will fall short and disappoint, but He has been the one constant. He is trustworthy and He is faithful.
