Dependent

This past week was one that I won't easily forget. It is true what they say, life can change in a an instant, and once again our family felt the impact of that sentiment.

For the past month, our daughter H has had some changes in her health; nothing that was obviously wrong but subtle changes and some weird "symptoms" that began around July and intensified once school began. Knowing that things weren't "right", I made a doctor's appointment for her this past Wednesday to see if they could connect the dots and let us know what was going on with her.

The night prior to her appointment, I had a very restless, fitful night of sleep. My mind was pouring over things and I felt a "nudge". I got up and went to the "symptom checker" on WebMD on the Internet. I know one should not put heavy weight on these kinds of things, and I think it is possible to self diagnose, convinced that one has the worst and most remote illness possible, but this time it was different. Again, the small voice said to me, "check diabetes symptoms." H had been really thirsty since summer, but we figured it was just because it was hot, she was active, and she had more of a need to stay hydrated. She also had been reading a lot and had complained of blurred vision, but again, I figured she just needed reading glasses like I did at an early age. I remembered something that was planted in my brain years ago, that increased thirst could be a sign of diabetes, as well as vision changes. So I checked her symptoms.

In those wee morning hours, I went through the list of symptoms for diabetes, and H had begun demonstrating a good portion of them. Returning to bed around 4:30 that morning, my husband turned over and asked if I was okay, and I blurted out, "I think H has diabetes." Needless to say, neither of us slept well the next few hours before we got up for our day of work. I had talked with H about what I had learned. In a very matter of fact way, she said that made sense, but of course, understandably, was hoping it wasn't' true.

The next day I was able to get her in to see the doctor. The nurse did a quick urine test and a finger poke, and after a very brief time, the doctor came in and announced, "yes, it is diabetes, Type 1." Next, she informed us that she was going to send us directly over to the Pediatric Endocrinologist's office at St. V's Hospital, and that he would get her admitted to the hospital for a minimum stay of 2 nights/3 days. My head was spinning, tears were rolling down H's cheeks as well as mine, and I couldn't get off the announcement of Type I diabetes; and now we're being told H is getting admitted directly into the hospital?

The doctor went on to explain the difference between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes; Type 1 is when a person's pancreas stops making insulin altogether and the individual becomes insulin-dependent through injections for the rest of their life. Type 2 is often seen in older people and has more to do with lifestyle, eating habits, weight, and so forth, and often is not insulin dependent. We were consoled (?) with the fact that Type 1 can come on suddenly like this, even in families such as ours where there isn't a history of diabetes. There may be some latent gene combination that my husband and I gave to H that somehow triggered this, but in 75% of these cases, there is no family history or anything they can connect the onset to. It literally "just happens."

Within 3 hours of walking into the pediatrician's office to see what these symptoms meant, we found ourselves sitting in H's hospital room consulting with nurses and the endocrinologist, discussing why she was connected to an IV, what her first doses of insulin would be, and talk about the "diabetes teaching" we would be given over the next several days. I won't kid you--I don't know that any of us--my husband, H, or myself--fully received all that we were being told. We were in a fog of shock.

Over the next 2 nights and 3 days, we indeed did received lots of instruction. It became clearer why they have this hospital stay; not only to give the immediate intervention and attention the patient needs, but also to inform, educate and have a safe environment for families to be introduced to the world of diabetes, which now becomes their new reality. By the second day, H, my husband and myself were giving the new little patient her insulin shots. We had been quickly educated in technique, measurement, and administration of these shots. For me, the fear factor was the biggest obstacle I had to get over; I was thankful that I didn't have a needle phobia, but the thought of having to give my child shots was not that appealing, worried that they would inflict pain on her. H did great and after seeing her give herself the first injection, it alleviated a lot of fears associated with the "unknown" for me. She assured me that it really didn't hurt her. In fact, the finger pokes she has to do each time she checks her blood sugar level are much more uncomfortable than the actual insulin shots.

We came home late Friday afternoon, heavy with the reality that a new journey was ahead of us, and one that would become part of everyday life. Again we all fought back tears (and lost the battle) as we walked into our home and the heaviness of it all covered us. It hit us hard that we couldn't just leave this at the hospital, but now had to embrace it and bring it home with us, aware that we have to re-program our minds, acknowledging that this isn't an illness that will go away with time, but rather it is a new way of living, and one that we will have to work hard at adjusting to.

This morning, Sunday, we find ourselves feeling more comfortable having gotten a full 24-hours on our own, under our collective belts. We are in contact with H's doctor every day as he adjusts the insulin doses and we are beginning to see a pattern and some consistency in range of her blood sugar level. We now know her signs of hypoglycemia and hyperglycemia and how to respond to both issues. We know how to make "adjustment doses" of the quick acting insulin, figure out her carb intake for meals and snacks and the "1 unit to every 8.5 grams" formula that seems to be working for her. We are still waking her up around 2:30 each morning to check her blood glucose level, and will do this for the next week or so, as well as keeping her on a regular waking/eating schedule during this initial stage. Tuesday will be her first day back at school, at which time H and I will meet with the school nurse and go over "the plan" at school, as well as notify H's bus driver, her teachers and identify the staff members at the high school that know how to administer emergency aid in the case H passes out at school from a sudden drop in her blood sugar level.

So here we are, on another journey that we didn't see coming and certainly couldn't have anticipated. So many questions have flooded our minds, perhaps the most prevalent being, "why?". We don't know, but just has H is now dependent on insulin for ongoing health, we are even more dependent on the Lord and his strength through this process. H has voiced this as well, but she told me that she knew the Lord had prepared her for this, saying that she "just knew" a while ago that she 'would be the one in our family to have something like this'. Although she'd rather NOT have diabetes, it is obvious that the Lord is near and taking care of her. She has a calmness and strength about her that can't be manufactured from her own sheer will. As a parent it is a good reminder to me, once again, that truly, these children we have are not ours, but the Lord's and His love for H, and us as her parents, is evident. Our prayer has been that He would meet her just where she needs it and in the way that only He can, and He is being faithful.

We are all tired, overwhelmed, and a little apprehensive, but feeling a blanket of comfort as we know so many are praying for us. We are dependent upon those continuing prayers. We know that for millions, diabetes is and has been a reality of their lives. For us, it is new and we will be adjusting for quite awhile. As we were told many times in the hospital, H isn't sick, and it doesn't mean she can't live a "normal" life, it just means she'll (we'll) have to approach it differently and work a little harder at it. In the big scheme of things, we are so thankful that she isn't terminally ill, or has a disease that will increasingly drain her life, or something that will leave her handicapped forever. As we've seen the color return to her cheeks as well as her energy and sweet disposition, we are thankful that this is a treatable disease, and something that can be dealt with. We are so thankful for the Lord's provision during this time as well. He provided additional income this month for both Ron and I that, as it turned out, helped cover the expense of the co-pay at the pharmacy (over $200) for all her initial supplies. We are thankful that H is a teenager and very conscientious and will be good at managing her diabetes and able to be independent in that. We are thankful that our other kids are all older as well and were able to take care of themselves while we spent the last many days at the hospital. It alleviated another level of potential stress.

Thank you to so many of you for your prayers and words of encouragement. We are depending on the Lord to guide us through this and dependent on your prayers.