Hey, how are you doing these days?

Do you ever find yourself in a quandary when a friend asks, 'Hey, how are you doing these days? What's going on in your life?" Sometimes one week can be so full of activity, emotion & events, there is just too much to go into and very little time to elaborate. So, perhaps it would be easier to sum up a week with a list of words. What do you think?

I'll give it a go. This is the summation of my week:

sleepy

cold

enjoyment

joy

blessings

heartache

tears

laughter

prayer

petition

reasoning

talking

loving

rejoicing

distracted

burdened

worried

angry

peaceful

content

restless

uninspired

stumped

mellow

withdrawn

devoted

So, Hey, how are you doing these days? What words describe your life ?

Dancing With The Stars

I'll confess, I'm a "Dancing With the Stars" fan. You know, that "reality" show on TV that matches up a professional dancer with a celebrity and then the pair competes weekly against similarly matched couples. The goal is to see which celeb can outlast, and out dance the others. For some reason, I have gotten totally hooked on this show. I like to daydream about being able to glide around a dance floor with grace and elegance, or be in such great physical shape that I could do a quick step and not pass out or have a heart attack in the process! And honestly, if I was in such great shape and had the toned bodies of those professional dancers, I might even be willing to wear some of those wild, skimpy outfits.(hmm, okay, well, maybe not...)

I haven't given up on the dream of dancing, or being able to move my body in such an athletic yet graceful manner. I'd still like to take ballroom dance lessons at some point in my life, but I'm realistic--I could never get to the same level of professionalism as those strutting their stuff on ABC. But I'm thinking that maybe Heaven will hold more hope.

I've contemplated Heaven and wondered so many things about it. For instance, since we will have new bodies, and not be bound by limitations in our former earthly bodies, I've often wondered if we'll still do or have similar capabilities like we do now. For example, if we enjoy singing now, will we really enjoy singing in Heaven just that much more? ( Or teaching, dancing, etc.) And, will we be able to do them without limitations or restrictions? I've been hopeful that Heaven will hold a limitless vocal range for me. I dream of being able to worship God in full voice, soaring through a high range of notes, gushing forth from the depths of my soul, and not bound by the alto voice I have now.

In Heaven, will we have another dimension to us...still us...but a complete us--worshiping, praising and glorifying the Lord to our fullest extent? I think of the verse in Isaiah 55:12 where the Lord says to Israel , "...the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees will clap their hands." I think we are given a hint of how God does things. He sees all the dimensions of his creations--what His creation is without sin's fetterings. Did you know that trees have hands? Me either. And did you know that mountains and hills sing? (Well, yes, actually I did since I've seen "The Sound of Music" a gazillion times. "The hills are alive, with the sound of music, ahhh-ahhh-ah- ah...."). Just kidding...but you get my point. God talks about an entirely differerent dimension to trees and hills than we know. (Or is He just being figurative and poetic?)

A few years ago a friend told me about a book she had read, where a woman gave an accounting of her "near death" experience. (Whether you believe in near death experiences or not is not what I want to debate here, however, something she shared, is. ) The author said that while in "heaven" she walked in a huge field of flowers. The colors were far more brilliant, richer and deeper in tones and hues, than anything we've seen. But what really got here attention was that the flowers were singing! I love that image! Wouldn't that be just like God? Not only do flowers smell great, are glorious in their colors and design, but they sing their praises to their creator as well. They glorify God by being fully what they were created to be, not limited by this sinful earth. Oh, I hope Heaven is filled with singing flowers!

I also have thought about C.S. Lewis' illustration of what Heaven is like in The Chronicles of Narnia. (It has been many years since I've read the passage so please correct me or give me more information if I have this wrong). If I remember correctly, it is in "The Last Battle" (is that the right name? My brain just had a memory blip...)when Aslan is taking the children to his home that is by way of the river and waterfall. As the lion leads the children up the river and up the waterfall, the beauty around them intensifies. The 'further in and higher up' they go everything around them is richer in color and textures unlike anything they've seen before. I like to think Heaven will be like that. Richer and deeper in texture than anything we've ever experienced.

So as I ponder about Heaven, and the mystery of it all, I think about nature praising and worshiping its Creator, not bound by what we know here on earth. What surprises there must be waiting for us. What a joy will be ours! Perhaps I really will be able to sing without limitation and maybe, just maybe, I'll be 'dancing with the stars'--of the celestial type!

Reflections on Posting

Note to self: Not really sure why you're dredging this up again...Just let it be...Maybe no will notice and you can go on....You're just setting yourself up for disparaging comments ; or taking a risk again...Why Cheryl, Why?

Note to self: Oh yeah, because you think being a catalyst for discussion, for getting brain cells sparking, for moving forward out of our comfort zones and trusting God deeper is worth it.

It has been an interesting week or so. There has been quite a bit of discussion both posted and emailed to me, regarding my post about "church" and leadership--"Thoughts about Church: Medical Technicians or Post Op Nurses?." The majority of comments have been positive, kind in nature, accepting, and candid about their own personal challenge to be relational in their leadership; but I did receive one seemingly negative comment, but chose to leave it posted so as to be balanced and fair. So, all in all, not a bad ratio I think.

What a ride... I have repeatedly questioned myself, motives, concepts , etc., as I've allowed my blog entry to stay posted. I knew when I first submitted it that this was a potentially volatile "pondering". I knew there was a risk that those who attend the same church I do, could be offended or if they chose to, could view my writing as a personal indictment, or I could be viewed as a trouble maker. (I'm guessing "anonymous is one such fellow member--or leader.)

As I shared with a friend, I've had to examine the words I chose and ask myself if I still stand by what I've openly processed, and yes, I do. However, I probably would make a few clarifications and not leave so much room for speculation as to my intention, my meaning of things, etc. So in that, I need to be responsible, so this is a good lesson for me. I want to be sure what I write and allow others to read, is really what I mean, and if I've accurately conveyed my intentions, thoughts, feelings, insights, etc. I realize I can't control how others react to my writings, but I can control what I say and how I say it. So this is good....I can learn and grow from this.

So, for the purpose of good communication, let me clarify a few things in my previous post about my thoughts about church:

1. I'm not picking on my home church. I'm talking about "church" in the organizational sense, and yes in the spiritual sense as well. I've been in many churches throughout my life...And there are a lot of similarities in how churches are structured, especially in the denomination I have been a part of. And, realistically, since I am part of church currently, it seems quite natural that I would refer experientially to what I know and experience now.

2. Leadership is a broad term and I probably should have been more explicit in my terms....I'm talking about any kind of leadership--administrators, teachers, pastors, group leaders, elders, etc. I've been in many different leadership positions, currently I'm on the worship team...so actually I'm talking about myself as well.

3. Naively, I didn't think that spotlighting the strength of a majority of our leaders would be controversial, calling them 'skilled technicians, capable and professional'. But I can see where, if you tried, it could be construed as a negative thing. What I realize I neglected to say was that there are some very relational leaders as well. And I don't think the two are exclusive, but generally speaking, people aren't strong in every area. For example how could I be offended if someone said to me that I wasn't a concrete-sequential type? It's true, I'm not...I'm totally the random-abstract type...And that's okay!! I'm so thankful there are others that are strong technician/professional/get-the-job-done-types. I'm so not that way--I have a difficult time doing that! I was pointing out the need to have more Audrey types added in and involved, because from analytical observation there seems to be an imbalance, and if we as a church are truly going to be family to one another, which in my thinking involves relational skills...Then by deduction it would seem there needs to be a better balance of things. No one can be all things to all people.

4. When I spoke of being burdened for my home church, and crying during worship it wasn't because the music was bad--which it wasn't, or that I was disgruntled with the worship pastor--which I' m not, or that I think the church is in sin or falling apart--which it isn't. I should have either expounded on this more, or just not addressed it...But since I opened the door, I'll finish it.

It was a couple of weekends ago when my husband and I were singing on worship team and the subject of the pastor's message was about glorifying God. During worship, the presence of the Holy Spirit was thick--almost palpable--Our senior pastor mentioned it, people in the congregation talked to me after that service about it--something significant happened.

It was during this service that I was overwhelmed with the burden to be praying for my church(which I would think others would see as a good thing). Standing there, facing the congregation, singing the words "may your glory fall in this room" and then witnessing it....I couldn't sing any longer, but rather cried. My heart ached that this church would be a church such as that-- that we will push beyond what we know and what is familiar--and be open to where God is leading--and He will be glorified in it. Again, for clarification, and to be a responsible blogger, I know that the "leadership"* of the church truly want to be obedient to God's leading and are seeking that.

For whatever reason, God has burdened me with this, and for some reason has been giving me lots of personal exposure to leadership stuff-- both as a leader and as a non-leader--in many different venues, over many, many months, if not years. Some of these encounters have left me frustrated and I'm still working through with "leadership" on a one on one basis... But none that would bring me to the point that I would lack integrity and bare all on a blog. As a side note, I think there is a stigma that you can't be a "good" church member if you disagree or have a difference of opinion with anyone in leadership (or a fellow leader) --you're viewed as not being a team player. But I think of the example of marriage. My husband and I often do not see eye to eye on things, we are about as opposite on the personality spectrum as you can get and usually one or both of us are frustrated with the other. But we don't just walk away and decide "we're out of here", nor do we sit and pout and take on the "woe is me" attitude. We hang in there, talk and talk and talk some more, seeking to understanding, fighting for our relationship and pressing forward. I feel I have the same responsibility as a church member whatever church I'm in--I have that responsibility as a part of the body of Christ.

I have never, nor will I ever, blog about any specific personal issue regarding my marriage, or call my husband names or grouse about him on the internet, etc, but to say, "we're arguing" is just being real. What married couple doesn't argue? Similarly, I would never do that regarding God's church. But what church doesn't have struggles and growing pains? To say, there is room for change or growth is real...it's honest (I think this is called walking in the light...) .

But, I've digressed...Along with this burden comes the desire to be obedient...Even to the point of rejection by others or leaders...If that is what I truly believe God has called me to. (*See my working definition of "leaders" above).

And, finally~

4. I neglected to put in written word that this exhortation applies to me as well. As I was writing, I asked myself what kind of a leader am I? What are my strengths and weaknesses. Where do I need to improve? Where do I need to do work? Well, clearly, working harder at communicating more clearly would be good start.

So as I said before...This is good. Growing is always good. Not being complacent is always good. Desiring to connect more, dialogue more, debate--it's all good.

Now, if you would like to comment, please feel free except this time, anonymous ones aren't allowed. I'd like to encourage others to own their words as well. (Again, for clarification, "anonymous" is meant in the general sense, not directed at "Anonymous" who left the anonymous comment--"Anonymous" the person is more than welcome to leave another comment, but you'll have to use a name this time.)

Thoughts about Church: Medical Technicians or Post-Op Nurses?

The male medical tehnician took my arm in his hands and began unwinding the elastic bandage that held the splint tight to my wrist protecting the surgery site. His manner was rather abrupt and matter of fact as if he didn't realize that this area might be tender and sore, needing to be handled gingerly. He was very skilled at what he did, but there was an absence of consideration as to my comfort level. He had a job to do and he was getting it done. After doing the task, he abruptly left the room and said someone would be in to see me shortly.

Gazing at my exposed, stitched, bruised and swollen hand I had such a sense of being so alone and wounded. (There weren't even magazines in the room to distract myself.) Everything was all very clinical; the job was getting done, yet I felt so vulnerable. I even told myself, 'Cheryl, this is silly, you should be just fine...nothing big happening here...just surgery...they're used to it...just get over it.'

Several minutes later, another technician came in announcing she would be removing sutures. She said very little, and began her work. Being dutiful, she went about cleaning the newly exposed wound with gauze dipped in peroxide. She was good at what she did--dried blood and topical surgical ointments were cleaned away--but little consideration was given to me, the patient, whose hand she held in hers. I was entrusting myself to her. Again, I told myself, "Don't be a baby, Cheryl, just grit your teeth and get through this...this must be okay...they've done this so many times before. They're the professionals, you're just a patient..what do you know?" After removing the total of 12 stitches, she abruptly left saying she'd see what else needed to be done. "Just wait here."

Again--alone and isolated--wounds exposed, hurting, waiting.

Several more minutes passed when suddenly Audrey, my doctor's nurse, popped her head in and asked me how I was doing. She wasn't asking if I needed a Band Aide, or more gauze, but she was asking how I was faring in light of having surgery and how the mending process was going. She spent time talking to me about recovery, explaining the process and helping me better understand what to expect. She looked at my wrist and hand and exclaimed, "Oh, it looks so good, it sure is healing nicely."

"Is she looking at the same thing I am?" But inside, I felt a glimmer of hope, an assurance that I was on track. Here was someone talking to me, addressing my concerns, my feelings of vulnerability and pain. She heard me, validated me and affirmed that this is all part of the process. My course of healing might be similar to others, but it may take a little longer, or a little shorter and require more or less physical therapy. She took time to treat me like I mattered. That is what I was needing at this point in my recovery period.

I was struck by this experience and how it ties into thoughts I've had about "church" recently--not necessarily my local church--but "church" in general. In recent months I have become burdened with a heaviness--a concern-- for our church. During worship at church this past Saturday night I cried tears for God's church, my church, that I love and want to desperately fight for--fight for following God's heart and what he calls his church to--what He calls His leaders to. I'm still working at puting into words everything on my heart--but I do know as I seek the Lord in these things, the Holy Spirit is clarifying things for me.

You may have heard the sentiment that church should be more like a hospital--it is for the sick and wounded. I agree with this. We are all sinners, unhealthy, wounded, cancer-filled. Only Christ offers real healing and wholeness. He's the master surgeon in that regard.

But really, shouldn't the church strive also to be the recovery room and "post op" filled with gifted assistants to do follow up and post-op care? I think the example of this is set by its leadership. Through the years, whatever church I've been in, from observation and experience, it seems that "church" leadership is more heavily weighted toward the medical assistant-types I encountered-- capable, proficient, intelligent technicians who get the job done--but may not be strong in the relational areas. So, I guess I'm wondering, why aren't there more Audrey types in church leadership? (Obviously I'm not talking gender here--but personality and relational type. Just because someone is either a woman or a man does not mean they are or aren't relational.) I can appreciate that a balance must be the goal, but aren't people and relationships--loving one another and connecting--what Christ has called us to. So wouldn't it make sense to add in more Audrey types to balance things? People need to know they matter. If we really are 'the family of God', and the goal of the church is to be a family, shouldn't we treat one another and speak to one another relationally like family rather than like an organization?

Audrey was being Christ to me yesterday. Sure the techies got the job done and my wound will heal, but what helped me the most yesterday was someone letting me know I mattered taking time to talk to me in my process. (She even checked back in with me as I waited to go see the physical therapist 45 minutes later--And this is no small office...they see literally hundreds of patients each day.)

My prayer is that God's church will find that balance of the medical technicians who get the job done, and more Audrey's who do follow-up care.
**NOTE: Comment added later by author. Please be sure to read the follow-up blog "Reflections on Posting" and subsequent discussion.

Hunt and Peck

I couldn't last any longer! I just had to post! Oh, I've wanted to write so badly, but physically have been unable to. I'm still not really "functional", but I've resorted to the ol' tried and true hunt-and-peck method. Thus this will be a short entry!

I'm still recovering from my surgery. The orthopedic surgeon says it went very well and was a success. I should be feeling great once I'm fully healed! My bandages and stitches are to be removed this Wednesday! Yippee! I look forward to the emancipation! I will still be in a removable splint for several weeks as I regain mobility, but, oh, it will feel good to let my arm breathe! (I know, I'm such a pansy--and so impatient--in total it will only be 13 days--good thing my arm isn't broken!)

My mind has been filled with ponderings--some clearly Vicodin-induced--others that have been heavy on my heart and mind. It will be good to get reconnected with blogging and each of you.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and well wishes. "Talk" to you soon!