All You Need Is Love

With teenagers abounding in our household (in April when our youngest turns 13, we will officially have 4 teens, ranging in age from 13 to 18!) there is no shortage of drama as it relates to relationships, either with the opposite sex, or in friendships. It is a continual "ride" comparable to a them park attraction, navigating through a maze of twists and turns and unexpected highs and lows.

Having both boys and girls, it has been a course in human development as we discuss their relationships. My sons will talk about their love lives, or friendships, but not give a play-by-play like the girls are prone to. The male of the species are much more pragmatic in their approach; "Well, this is how it is....", "Girls are so confusing!" My daughters convey every detail, every nuance; " He said...., and then she said...., which made me mad because she didn't have to say it with such a nasty tone in her voice like she thought she was 'all that'...." Discussions can be quite exhausting at times.

As a parent I feel such a sense of responsibility to guide them to a true understanding of what "love" is, both in friendships and those special relationships. We've had many talks about what God says real love is and what the world says love is. (I guess you could say this is where I'm encouraging my children to be counter-cultural. ) I want to be wise in giving them any kind of advice, wanting to be based in truth of scripture and not worldly wisdom. I want to teach them--show them--what "real" love looks like when it is "fleshed-out". But, wow...how does one do that??

The world says love is based on emotion, but scripture teaches it is based on giving, action, even sacrifice:

"For God loved the world so much He gave his only son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

"This is how God showed his love among us; He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him." (1 John 4:9)

1 John 3: 16 says, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

Never mind being a foreign concept to my teenagers...this is a difficult concept for me to grasp! What does this really mean? How do I really do this in everyday life? How do I "love" the gas station attendant as he pumps my gas? How do I "love" the "sand paper people" in my life (those people that irritate me beyond belief but God has allowed them in my life to smooth out my rough edges)? When I was a young mother, how could I have loved my "neighbor" when I was exhausted from caring for small children, and didn't have resources like time or money (or energy) to give to someone else?

These are the thoughts that plague me. I battle the conflict between wanting to be an obedient, authentic servant, being real in my love for others; and yet not fall into a snare of self-condemnation and guilt that comes from fear that I'm not measuring up or meeting some invisible love-your-neighbor-daily-quotient-meter. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 JOHN 4:18) Hmmm. Lots to chew on.

What I'm learning is that there really isn't a "right" way--or more accurately, only one way to love others. (Okay, maybe I'm dull headed--many of you probably already have this figured out!) Instead of giving us one way to show love to others, God in His Word (and wisdom) gives a multitude of examples, leaving the field wide open: God gave his son; Christ died for us; Paul gave his life writing and teaching out of deep love 'for all the saints'; church members cared for the widows and orphans; others provided for the poor; and so on. Love is multi-faceted just like God.

When I consider the words, "God is love", I am compelled to look at him and examine him. Who is He? What is His character? It seems my ability to love others is proportionate to how well I know Him. The deeper my relationship goes with the Lord and the more intimately I know Him, the deeper and more intimately (I'm not talking romantically here) I can love others; And, I don't have to worry or "fear" about not measuring up or meeting a love-quotient because loving is a natural by-product of the relationship with God. God's Holy Spirit living inside of me guides me and shows me how to love others--It may be a word of encouragement, or an act of service, or it may mean praying in an intercessory manner--whatever is needed for that moment. My responsibility is to be "tuned in" and be willing to be obedient to the Spirit's direction. Again, I love the simplicity and freedom of following the Lord.

As we continue to travel this wild and wacky road through teenage heart-ache, I'm so thankful I can point each of them toward a love that never disappoints and never fails. I'm thankful for the example of how God loves us and how we can love others--without all the drama!