Balcony Buddies

Arriving late to church after dropping off my girls at their cousin's house for a birthday/slumber party extravaganza, I headed up to the balcony area. I suppose if I had really tried I could have found a very accessible seat on the main floor, but I was much more in the mood for sitting alone, away from others--very much in the 'sneak in and sneak out' mode.

I almost ditched church altogether thinking I wouldn't make it there in time "to do any good", but as I approached the exit off the freeway, I went for it and arrived a not-so-stylish 35 minutes into the service. With my husband gone for the weekend at a retreat, and all the kids gone at various activities, I was solo tonight and, honestly, enjoying the solitude. I thought I would carry that theme on through church and be "solo" and go undetected; candidly speaking, I was not wanting to have to chit-chat and engage in conversation with anyone. I was really in the mood for removing myself from people and did my best to make that happen.

Reaching the top of the balcony stairs I was pleased to look over the seating and see it was sparsely occupied. "Great" I thought, "this should be easy; I can have a comfortable 5 chair radius around me...no one will be able to step into my space." I did notice two men, sans wives, sitting in the same area, though apart as well. Obviously they were "solo" tonight as well and also had a good chair radius around them. Although I knew both of them, I didn't feel the need to invade their space, so I gladly occupied my own cocoon--like the pastor talked about tonight!

The service was good and thought-provoking. As usual, lots of poking into places in my spirit that need to be examined and surrendered or called into action. After the pastor gave the benediction I busied myself with getting my things together, I thought perhaps I could still escape without having to talk to anyone. But then, suddenly, my two balcony buddies approached from two different rows, paused and independently talked to me! Uh, oh. I was detected!

First, Mr. B, a fellow blogger and friend, addressed me. He told me that he and his wife, K, were glad I was a part of the blogging community. He went on to make some more encouraging comments about my writing. We then talked some about things he had shared in a blog and how the message from the pastor was challenging, confusing, difficult...everything rolled into one. I have to say, I was so encouraged. You see, unbeknownst to B, this last week has been a weird week for me in regard to blogging, life, direction...everything. I know, in the big scheme of things, blogging is not all that important, but writing publicly has been a fear-inducing thing for me. It hasn't always been that way, but it seems to be a recent target of spiritual attack. I've been plagued with doubts, fear, the 'what-makes-you-think-you-have-anything-to-write-about-that-matters?' club. In fact, the thought that has been trickling through my mind lately has been, 'just give it up...it's not for you'. Yet, I really feel I should be blogging for my growth and perhaps for the encouragement of others...so I continue...but not without an internal battle happening.

I was so blessed by his words of encouragement to me. How did he know that this week was filled with uncertainty and spiritual taunting? He didn't...but He was willing to be available and used by the Lord. He blessed me and encouraged me, perhaps at a time when he was needing that himself.

Next, Elder R was standing there and proceeded to ask how I was and how the rest of the family was doing. I haven't seen R in quite a while so we caught up briefly. I talked about this stage of life we're in and it seems so transitional and uncertain right now. R proceeded to encourage me and share about this phase of life that he and his wife had already been through years earlier, but acknowledged it is a hard time. He then gave encouragement about God's faithfulness and preparation even in periods of time like this, and that when God seems most quiet that often, this is when He's the most at work in our lives.

Again, how did R know that I was needing that encouragement and truth spoken into my life at that time...at a time I was hoping I wouldn't have to talk to anyone? He didn't, but like B he was available, and listening to the Spirit, willing to step into my world, my space.

As I departed church, I stopped and talked with several others who God put in my path, a couple of whom I had not seen for quite some time. It was a blessed evening of engaging, connecting and relating--not being alone--but reaching out to others.

I'm thankful that God did not allow me to be disengaged tonight, but rather entered "my" space, "my" safe 5-chair buffer. I'm thankful for my two balcony buddies that the Lord placed in my life tonight to encourage me and be Jesus to me, and to teach me the importance of connecting with others. Had they not been willing to be available and used by the Lord, I would have missed out on a big blessing and lesson. Thanks guys!