The Happiest Place on Earth

October is here, and excitement is building around our house. Why, you may ask? Because we're going to Disneyland!! Yep, it is true! The whole gang is heading to Disneyland in less than 3 weeks! Work schedules have been arranged, notifying teachers has begun and vacation time put on the calendar a year ago is quickly approaching.

We figured it has been about 11 years since we last visited Disneyland. Ground-breaking was just beginning on Disney's California Adventure park. I remember looking at the pictures of the proposed park and gazing at the vast undeveloped space as we rode past it on the monorail. The last time we were there, our children, with the exception of 1, didn't meet the height requirements on the bigger rides, or the kiddos were too frightened to even try a lot of the attractions that seemed a bit overwhelming. (And maybe riding "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" as one of the first rides wasn't a good idea either!) We did find the carousel and "Dumbo" to be "safe" favorites.

This year, all 6 of us are committed to going on (almost) every ride. There are a few exceptions. Half of our group isn't real keen on roller-coaster-type, jerky, wild rides. The other half (of which I am a part) is game for almost anything and will at least try it once. My oldest son, now 19, proclaimed proudly (tongue in cheek), "Mom, I don't think I'll be afraid like I was last time. I'm even going to go on Splash Mountain because I'm a big boy now!"

Another part of this southern California adventure is that we are flying! Our previous trip was a road trip, which was lots of fun. (I had made surprise bags for the kids that were Disney related. Every 100 miles they were each given a new surprise bag to open. This year, my big kids have each asked if they get surprise treat bags on the airplane!) We decided to fly this time for a couple of reasons: time frame was limited so this would maximize our play time; and 3 of our 4 kids have never been on a airplane! This is something we wanted to share with them and be a part of. Needless to say that getting there will be a big part of the fun.

To a lot of families, taking trips like this is common place; they do it yearly or perhaps a couple of times a year, and fly everywhere. But to us, this is a big deal. We haven't taken a lot of family vacations together for various reasons, and flying has always been a costly luxury. With a family of 6 and one income for most of those past years (I started working part time about 4 years ago at various jobs) we looked for ways to cut corners wherever we could. Most of our family time together has been weekend trips to the coast, or day trips around the state.

Perhaps that is what adds to the excitement of this trip; our kids, because they're older, understand and appreciate that this really is a 'big deal'. My son asked me why we were doing this now and wondered if we had 'come into some money' that would allow us to go on a trip of this expense. I assured him that, 'no, we hadn't won the lottery', but rather we knew this potentially could be the last time that just the 6 of us will vacation together. Our children are quickly approaching the ages (or are already there) that, in reality, from here on out, we could have a new spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend accompanying us on these family trips; or perhaps the kids would need to be absent because or work or their college schedule won't allow it. Sure it is making finances all that much tighter at home, and funds we could use to decorate or make some changes in our new home have been reallocated to vacation time, but I know that the Lord has made this time possible. I keep coming back to that. What a joy to have the opportunity to spend time together playing, being silly, and genuinely enjoying being family together. We can hardly wait.

The sign at the main entrance to Disneyland proudly proclaims that it is, "The happiest place on earth." But I think I'd have to contest that. Right now, our home is the happiest place on earth as we anticipate our trip to Disneyland!

Examining My Life Map

I am amazed, on a daily basis, at God's very presence in my life. I don't know why I am so thick headed, or dull that I can't grasp this reality consistently, but I am so thankful that He reminds me and makes His presence known.

Many months ago my blog consisted of thoughts about this transitional phase of life I'm in and everything that comes with it; and today I'm still pondering these things. I know I'm not alone and that actually, I'm pretty "normal" I suppose. I wouldn't call this a "crisis". It isn't. I don't feel that I'm in damage-control mode, but rather more of a 'navigational-ly challenged' mode as I head into uncharted waters.

Looking back, I had hopes and desires, and made plans. By God's grace I was able to do those things that I had wanted to do: I went to college, got married, had children and chose to stay home and forego any kind of working career to do that. I trusted the kids would grow up and then __________________ . Hm, hadn't thought about this part.

Perhaps somewhere in my thinking years ago when I was making my life plans, I had the notion that since I would be in my 'later 4o's' when my kids started to leave the nest I would decide that continuing to stay at home would be satisfactory; or I'd have some kind of hobby that would engulf me, or perhaps I had the audacity to think that 40-something was "old" and I wouldn't really have the energy or desire to do much of anything else. I don't know. But somehow, this part of life was not mapped out in my brain. And so here I am today, in a quandary.

Knowing that after this year, half of my children will be out of high school and another 4 years after that the other half will be out, I feel this urgency to 'get it together' and figure out what I want to be when I grow up...or at least when my kids grow up. But reality is, if viewed throught the secular eye, there aren't a lot of options out there for a later 40's, stay-at-home mom, part-time, Jill-of-all-trades-master-of-none-type woman to do.

I wouldn't trade these many years of being able to stay home with my kids for anything. I know that it has been a wonderful investment, and far more fulfilling than having a career, or some other kind of time-investment would have been. But there is an angst; a longing deep inside, almost an excitement as I'm embracing the reality of this new phase. I want to work, I want to be involved in a ministry of some kind, I want to be making a difference in the world around me. I'm realizing that now is the time in my life that I really have time and energy to give to something else. My energy level is so much more than when I had small children. (I was physically exhausted for at least 10 years of my life!) But there is another side to this coin. Along with maturity in age, I also have a greater appreciation or acknowledgement that, because of prior choices, I am not a real market-able person in the work place so my options are very limited. Even in ministry, I'm not one of the younger, "happening" people, but rather viewed as one of the older women now. (When did that happen??)

And so, this brings me to the question or questions that I've been pondering a lot these days. Believing that the life I live is bigger than what I see with my eyes, bigger than what the world says, but rather a truly spiritual, redeemed life, I find myself asking, "What Lord--what am I to do with this part of my life? What do YOU want to do with my life? What do I do with this desire and drive you've placed there? How can you work these together to serve you?"

I know inside of me there is a bit of doubt and fear that somehow I will miss what He's trying to teach me, or I'll miss the opportunity, or the call, or something. I may be an intuitive, perceptive person on one level, but on another level, I can be totally obtuse and sometimes look right past the obvious. In the back of my mind I've been battling the 'what-if-I-miss-it' self-talk. Honestly, times like this are when I wish for that postcard from Heaven that says, "Okay, Cheryl, this is what you will be doing; go first to point A, then B, and so on. But we all know, that faith doesn't work this way. Faith is about what we don't see, what we don't know, but trusting the One who does.

So, the Lord continues to build my faith; and this is where I get goose bumps. This very week, the Lord has been speaking directly to me about this process through scripture. Daily He has shown me His truth that speaks to my spirit and addresses me, right where I am, at this moment on my time line.

I'd like to share a few of the passgaes He showed me this week, and in turn I hope it will be an encouragement to you as well:

Isaiah 30:21: Whether you turn ot the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 32:6: He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge...The fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.

Isaiah 41:9,10: I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my Servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you, so do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isn't God good? I have had such peace this week as I rest in his Word and promises. He hasn't forgotten me; He is mindful of me and reassures me that He is at work, even today. My rest comes from abiding in Him and not in the circumstances of my life. He is more than able to figure out what the next chapter of my life is...I don't have to "worry"or be fearful about it.--or even worry that I'll miss it because I wasn't paying attention. If I'm looking to Him, having reverence for Him and seeking after Him only, I will fall in step with what He is doing and what He wants to do in me and through me.

This "transitional phase of life" is only transitional to me, not to the Lord. To Him, this is just the next step on the path of where He is leading, which gives me hope and even more excitement of what is yet to be. I'm so thankful for His revelation of that truth to me this week.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

Last night was the first home game of the season for our high school football team. My daughter, a sophomore, and my son, a senior, were very excited for the first game of the year. It was pretty fun being around them as they made plans with friends and prepared for the game.

My son had requested face paints before the game. He explained to me 'how things work' at the games and his "responsibility" as a senior. Evidently the first several rows in the stands at the football field are "reserved" for the seniors, and, it is expected that if you are a senior male, you will come to the game with, at the very least, your face painted to show school pride! So part of our errand-running yesterday was a jaunt to Party City to get red, black and white face paints...the school colors of The Crimson Tide. This picture is of my son exuding school spirit. Although he looks a little scary here, I assure you he has a very tender, gentle heart!

My daughter made preparations for the game by working on her hair. The biggest decision was whether to wear the crimson colored ribbon around her pony tail. After deliberation, it was decided that it was "too much" and that she would only wear her school tee shirt and minimal face paints. The picture is of her and her good friend as they head out the door to cheer their team on, complete with football-player-esque black under her eyes.

Finding myself at home alone last night as my husband was having a "guys night out" and my other kids were elsewhere, I scanned the free cable movies to find a movie to watch while sipping a cup of hot tea. Although not intentionally meaning to carry on the football theme of the evening, I decided upon "Facing the Giants", a true story about a Christian high school football team and their coach. I had heard about this little gem awhile ago and had wanted to see it for sometime. What a great movie! Not an Oscar-worthy movie by any means, but the message and truth behind it is good.

I discovered my new, "favorite" quote in a scene where the football coach is talking to one of his a team members about his lack of respect toward his father. The coach says to the young man, " Your attitude is the aroma of your heart".

Isn't that great? I have thought about that throughout the day today and have actually caught myself a few times when I was having a negative "aroma".

It was a good night of football...on and off the field. Even though our high school team lost, everyone came home in good spirits. The kids are already thinking ahead to next Friday night, anticipating another cool autumn evening filled with cheers, face paints and great memories made with friends.

Aah.....I love this time of year and the smiling faces of my dear children.

Floodlight Living

In the past month my regular routines have gone out the window. With this upset of schedules, changes in homes, and so on, has come an increase in anxiety. It has been an interesting progression to observe--well maybe not interesting as much as--noticeable.

This past weekend, after another night of intermittent sleep and early waking, I had a long prayer time, pouring my heart out to the Lord. Nothing has felt "settled" and almost every area of life seems out of whack right now. I don't have that sense of peace and calm--not even in a new home.

After my wee-hours-morning-time with the Lord, I felt it heavily impressed upon me that I needed to make time in the Word a priority once again. I needed to get an anchor into the ground, something that doesn't change, something totally reliable.

So I began getting back into my old routine this week, waking early every morning, before the busy-ness of getting ready for school and work, and spending time with the Lord, reading, praying, journaling. It has only been 4 days, but man oh man, can I see a difference in my attitude and disposition. And an overwhelming peace has blanketed my spirit.

As a side note, almost a year ago, I bought a read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year Bible. For too long I had let the indecision of, 'hmm, where should I read? What should I read? What haven't I read for a long time?, etc., get in the way of really having a productive reading time. So, no more excuses, being very able to know what day it is, I merely find the date and read the scripture--Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs--everyday--or at least that is my goal.

A firm believer in the truth that Scripture is alive and relevant today,I've been amazed how everyday, the Lord has something to show me. Today, the Psalm was #56. Perhaps a well known part of this Psalm is where David (the author) says, 'If God is for me, who can be against me'. However, this wasn't the part that struck me so profoundly. The last couple of verses did.

I am under vows to you, O God;
I will present my thank offerings to
you.

For you have delivered me from death
and my feet from
stumbling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life.

What this spoke to me was this: I need to remember my covenant with the Lord. He is my savior, Lord of my Life, I am his, totally. This is not "my" life, but His.

Secondly, I need to be mindful every day, always, to be thankful, give God thanks, tell him what I'm thankful for, etc. Scripture is filled with the importance of coming to the Lord with thanksgiving, before we present our requests. This passage even reminds the reader--reminded me--that a foundational item of thanksgiving is the realization that God delivered me from death (salvation through Christ), and that He is the one that keeps me safe, steadfast, on the path rather than stumbling along in the muck and mire.

The final verse really resonated and is carrying me through the day today:

"...and I may walk before God in the light of life."

Wow! That is a promise--not a "maybe"--but assurance that remembering that God is the Lord of my life, that He is the one who is keeping me, holding my hand and keeping me from stumbling about today--because of that, I get to walk before God in His floodlight that is a vibrant, vital life. Apart from this light, there isn't any real life. The world offers substitutions that are at first alluring and attractive, but eventually disappointing. Nothing is fulfilling if it isn't covered in God's light.

When I place the things of my every day life into the context of this scripture, it gives a right perspective. The situations and circumstances may not change, but how I view them does. For example, my part-time administrative assistant job has been almost excruciating to go to these days. (I know...strong sentiment...but I'm really at that point!) Really great, generous boss, but the work itself is boring and requires very little of my mind or abilities. It is a very unsatisfying job in that I don't really feel like I'm doing what I was created to do...but it is an income so I keep doing it...and although I've been looking...the Lord hasn't opened a door to anything else. (I am VERY aware that this is how the Lord has been providing and very thankful, so don't get me wrong. In fact, in light of the scripture I read this morning, I thanked the Lord first thing for providing a job for me when I know there are so many looking for work.) What I struggle with is that I'm a person who needs/wants to do a job that really matters, long term, in the greater scope of things, so working in a small office that is centered around someone earning commissions and driven by making money, is hard to wrestle with everyday. I can't quite see how it fits in with eternity.

After reading this passage, I felt the Lord reminding me that even in my work situation, He can give it purpose and "life" because I'm walking with Him, in His light. I may not know what that is, or be able to see it, but if I keep focused on Him, giving Him thanks, He can take a very basic job and give it meaning beyond what the world offers. I'm thankful for that hope.

I know this post is a little disjointed...open journaling really...but felt I should share it. I titled this post, "Floodlight Living" because that is the perspective I want to have, especially in these days of a life that seems so "out of whack". I want to remember and be intentional about viewing the "everyday, ordinary-ness" of my life, bathed in His light of life.

Only Her Hairdresser Knows for Sure

This is a total fluff piece to fill the void while I'm finalizing some ponderings on another issue, or issues. Just take this as a friendly warning...or advice...or something...I doubt there is anything of real depth that will follow...

It seems lately, with frequency, that I've been getting comments about my hair color. (I know...this is deep, thought-provoking stuff.)It is just funny to me, that's all. Last Saturday after church, I saw a gal I hadn't seen for the last month and a half. First thing she commented on was how dark my hair was. My own mother even asked me a few months ago if I was coloring my hair "that dark".

For the record---my hair color on most of my head--is my natural dark brown hair color. I say "most" of my head, because the ends have the signs of grown-out highlights. If one were to compare the end 3 inches of my hair with the top of my head and bangs, the color difference is noticeable. My friend, Michelle, who cuts and highlights my hair, is so good that the highlights always look natural, and "brighten" my hair a bit, making it a wee bit lighter brown. What's funny, is that I haven't had my hair highlighted all that often. I think I'm just in a really dark hair phase right now. I haven't been out in the sun much at all this summer, so my natural highlights haven't had a chance to shine. Maybe that is why my hair seems darker than usual...??

So, yes, my hair really is this dark. However, I am feeling that it is near time to get highlights once again; it does wonders in helping to camouflage the increasing white strands that are shining through!

Beware, I just may keep you posted on coming events...

Adjusting

I'm happy to report we've officially moved into our new home--and we're adjusting!

We're adjusting to new sounds while sleeping at night; most noticeably the absence of road and airport noises, and the presence of frogs and crickets "chirping".

We're adjusting--slowly--to more space. We have one room that is completely empty because we don't have enough "stuff" to put in it. This will most likely be the "overnighter" room when the kids' friends can stay over night. I find myself staring blankly into the cupboard spaces wondering what I should put in them. 'Perhaps if I spread out my canned goods it will take up more space in the pantry.' (I know--a great problem to have!)

We're adjusting to not remembering what box we packed something in, but confident that we will discover it one day soon. We're adjusting to just "making do" until that day!

We're all adjusting to new morning routines that involve walking to school and a few changes in the work commute.

We're adjusting to a life that suddenly is void of immense stress and pressure and finding a new pace that works.

The kids are adjusting to another school year, but thankfully at the same schools.

I'm adjusting to the kids beginning another school year but with the same bit of melancholy I always feel at this time of year. It all goes so quickly, and I always experience a little bit of sadness that our summertime together is over. This year is another big year for us; my second oldest is entering his senior year, my oldest daughter is a sophomore and my baby is an 8th grader. How can it be? I remember holding her hand as we walked to kindergarten just the other day--or so it seemed--and then crying all the way home as I walked home empty handed.

I'm adjusting to a body that is now fully recovered from surgery. I am feeling an increase in energy and obvious absence of pain that I had unknowingly become accustomed to.

I'm adjusting to all these changes by consuming WAY too much caffeine to keep me going these days. My "good" eating habits have gone out the window the last couple of weeks as I find myself reaching for comfort foods.

I'm adjusting to the notion that I'd better get "back on the wagon" soon and change the way I'm eating, pronto!

I'm adjusting to adjusting. I used to think I didn't mind change, or changes. But that is something I've discovered about myself in this process--change is exhausting--and I feel a little bit like I'm limping over the finish line...but nevertheless...did finish! I know I need to be gracious with myself in that we did packed up an entire household, painted rooms and cleaned an entire townhouse,had surgery and moved into another house all in 1 month's time. (okay, when I put it in writing like that...I don't feel like such a wimp!)

I'm adjusting to the idea that there are still adjustments, even when your cup is overflowing with abundance, like mine. I'm thankful that I get to adjust to these bountiful blessings.