Heart's Desires and Divas

What do Lucy Van Pelt and The Supremes have in common?

Not a whole lot...other than perhaps the word "divas".

This past week I watched the movie "Dream Girls" with my girls. I had heard so much about this movie which is loosely based on the rise to stardom of Diana Ross and Supremes. Jennifer Hudson was phenomenal in this movie; enough to win an Academy Award. I was blown away by her vocal ability.

"What must it feel like to be able to sing like that?", I thought to myself as I watched and listened. I was awe struck. I could feel that spot inside of me that twitched with a little bit of envy. "God, when I am in Heaven with you, can I sing like that? Will you make it possible for me to have an unending vocal range, able to belt out a song, able to just sing from the tips of my toes, with full volume and passion? Oh, if I could do that...that's my real heart's desire."

As we finished watching the movie I had made mention to my daughters that when I was growing up I had secretly wanted to be a "Supreme." I had never wanted to be Diana Ross...not the headliner with all the fame and pressure to perform on stage and off (I don't have a soloist type voice anyway)...but I did want to be one of the back up singers. To me this would have been the ultimate dream job; singing all the fun harmony parts, doing creative, albeit silly, choreography, wearing great dresses, fun makeup and hair, performing...but no pressure to be in the spot light.

I was reminded at that moment how God gives us the desires of our hearts in ways we may not see at first. I knew I would never be a "Supreme." We live too far away from Motown. But, there was a moment when I realized God was letting me be a back up singer. I recall the first time I ever sang on worship team. I hadn't done anything like that before. I had been in choir, or ensembles, but nothing where it was just one other person (in this case my husband) and the worship leader singing. I can so vividly remember that very first Sunday I sang, almost 12 years ago! I was scared spit less, but energized all at the same time. And then we began worshiping. It's almost difficult to put into words what that was like. This wasn't performing; this was better than performing. Instead of being overcome with fear of being in front of people (which I had struggled with), or acute self-consciousness there was none of that, rather a sense of enjoyment and fulfilment on a whole new level. It came from fellowship with my creator, the one who gave me a voice and desire to sing--just singing and enjoying Him. Oh, and the joy of harmonies. There is something so spiritual about great harmonies. I love being able to be a part of harmony. To think that created voices are able to make a sound that is so rich, textured, layered and almost overwhelming to the senses is hard to take in.

Then, it hit me, I was being a backup singer. It sounds a little "worldly" perhaps, but God knew what I meant. He was giving me the desire of my heart, but in a way that would be ultimately more fulfilling and joy-filled than actually being a "Supreme."

I still get to be a BGV (background vocalist) to this day, and although I don't do any silly choreography, I have the freedom to raise my hands in worship, or even dance a little bit, but the freedom to not perform is always there. It's just the Lord and me. I still get to be a 'worship supreme'. Who would have thought that in this phase of life I would get to do such a thing.

And then there is Lucy. Lucy has been a surprise in my life recently. The Creative Arts department at our church is producing "You're a Good Man ,Charlie Brown". First produced on Broadway in the 70's and revised in the late 90's, this musical, with an entirely adult cast, focuses on a day in the lives of 6 of the "Peanuts" characters from the Charles Schulz comic strip.

When I first heard they were having auditions for the show, I immediately pushed it out of my brain figuring I was too old to audition for something like this. There are only two female roles in the show, that of Lucy and Sally. I knew some of the people who were going to audition and they were at least a decade (or more) younger than me. It seemed they would be better suited for a part than I would. And, honestly, there was probably a little bit of vanity involved--I didn't want to appear silly auditioning for a part in the play when everyone else there would be quite a bit more youthful. I didn't want to embarrass myself.

My friend Jenn (who also happens to be the creative arts director at church) suggested I audition for the part of Lucy. I began thinking more about that. Hmm. "I don't know, could I really be Lucy? Is this a good time for me to be involved in a play of some sorts? Would it work with home life and schedules and such?" Lucy was beginning to take hold in that same little spot deep inside that also was occupied by the Supremes. This could be really fun!

After more discussion and encouragement from my family (lots from my family) and Jenn, I auditioned. Looking over the audition group, I knew I was the oldest person in the room. But I felt okay. I wanted to do my best, and if for nothing else, I was energized just auditioning. Rusty, but energized. It felt good. When I left, I felt okay. I really questioned if I would get a part since matching up an older Lucy like me with others younger would be a casting task. However, there was still one more night of auditions left.

As the week progressed and I thought about Lucy more, that desire inside of me grew more. By mid week, I discovered I really wanted to be Lucy. I even dared to say it out loud to my family. All the time praying that the Lord would make me be "okay" with not being Lucy.

And then the call came from dear Wendy, the director. "Would you be our Lucy?"

"Really? YES!! "

When I first met the other cast members, I was pleasantly surprised. It seems we 40-somethings have a corner on the casting market for this show--as only 2 of the 6 cast members are younger than 40! Even Charlie Brown mentioned that he is going to dye his hair to cover up some gray just prior to the show because he doesn't want to be 'Grandpa Charlie Brown'.

The experience level and caliber of ability of the cast in this show is pretty amazing as well. I am humbled and honestly, a bit overwhelmed. I have some serious work to do to keep up with everyone! I always have a sense of "what have I done!" when I first begin working on a show. There is so much music to learn, lines to memorize (does my brain even work like that anymore?), choreography....and on and on. Yet, somehow by opening night I've learned the songs, lines and choreography. I know it will get there...but I'm still in 'overwhelmed' mode. But I'm so energized by the challenge!

This past week, I was struck once again with God and how he gives us our heart's desires in ways we may not see right off the bat. Some might think me crazy for taking on something so time and "life" consuming, especially after my latest post of having 4 teenagers in the house. But as many of my posts as of late have noted, I've been ready for a change, a challenge, something that seems worthwhile and fulfilling whether it be a new job, or new ministry, or activity outside of the house--something that would help quiet the angst I've been feeling. And that's when the Lord introduced me to Lucy. To think I almost didn't audition because it didn't "look" like I would fit. I'm so thankful He knows these things and brings others along our paths to help direct us! Being Lucy will challenge me, push me, grow me in ways I haven't grown before as well as dust off a lot of parts of me that haven't been used in a while. And, bring a real sense of joy as well.

My heart's desires. It seems God knows them better than I do, and I'm finding he enjoys surprising me with fulfilling those heart's desires in ways I may not expect. The Supremes....Lucy....how blessed am I? The trick will be keeping the "diva" factor in check.