My husband and I had a garage sale this past weekend. Our goal was to clean out, lighten the load and free up some space. We had acquired a lot of "stuff"over the last few years, and most recently, more items from both sides of our families when our mother's passed away this spring. I realized that the last time I was involved in a garage sale, or yard sale, was two years ago--almost to the date--when my mother had a large yard sale. (As a brand new blogger at that time, it was the subject of one of my first blog entries: Anatomy of a Yard Sale.) She had her sale to get rid of as many of her unused household items as possible in an attempt to 'get her things in order' before she succumbed to the cancer that had taken over her body. It amazes me that it has been 2 years--and Mom is now in Heaven.
There is something so cathartic about having a garage sale. Seeing pieces of heavy furniture that we "inherited" (aka "castoffs that couldn't be unloaded on siblings) being carted away by a new owner who actually paid us for it (!) was liberating. The space that has been created in our garage by purging so many unwanted and unnecessary things is almost... inspiring. We find ourselves enjoying the possibility of the space; how can the space be used to its maximum potential?
This same garage-sale-process is not unlike what the Lord has been doing in my life. Many months ago, just about the time Mom was in the process of dying, it was impressed upon me that the Lord was taking me through a time of being 'freed up'. I don't know how else to say it, but He gave me the understanding that He was going to be setting me free--from what, I didn't know--but that it was for my benefit, even though pain would be involved. Which, when you think about it is always a part of being set free. Whether it is making the painful decision to sell a "treasure" in a garage sale, or taking shackles off from around your ankles (real or figuratively speaking) , there is always some kind of discomfort involved.
My next statement may seem heartless, even cruel and unloving to some, but it is true for me; there is a sense of freedom that comes when a parent dies. I know, I know... how horrible that I would actually dare utter that! But, being purely pragmatic here for a moment, think about it; it (the death of one's parent) is now a known thing. For my husband and I, we no longer have to wonder what it will look like down the road when we may be called upon to care for our aging parents, nor do we have to wonder how they will die, when, and so forth. Since both sets of parents are deceased, we know we are done with the "sandwich years." We also don't have to "do" any more deaths in regard to our parents. We've done that, and have survived. (I remember thinking as a child how horrible it would be to have my parents die. It was unfathomable to me.) That chapter of our lives is completed, freeing up parts of the future for possibilities.
With my mother passing, it also meant the end of a relationship that had its sticky spots. I have no doubt my mother loved me as best she could and she was the best mother she could be to the 4 of us kids, but she was also a woman with deep wounds from throughout her life that affected all of her relationships, including those with her children and grandchildren. Even though I thoroughly understand/understood how many of these obstructions to relating were constructed, it didn't make things any easier; I still longed to experience that mother/daughter bond that others seemed to have had. This relationship remained illusive throughout most of my life until the last few weeks of my Mom's life when we spent some precious time together, sharing and loving without barriers. Those days were clearly a gift from the Lord to me; and today, I feel set free. I feel "freed up" to go foreword, released from that relationship.
There have been a few other areas that the Lord has "freed up"--some very unexpectedly--and all have involved loss and even grieving in some way. How the freed up space will be used, I'm not certain. I don't know yet how He intends to use this post-garage-sale life, but the first step of purging and cleaning out is being completed. Right now, I'm enjoying the possibilities of the newly created space.
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