Things I'm Working Through

I'm a little stifled when it comes to blogging this week. It seems there are so many things I'm working through--wrestling with right now--that even "writing them out" is a struggle.

First these "things" must bump around in my brain for a while as I sift and sort and process. Aah, processing. I'm a slow processor. I need to examine all the sides, all the angles, all the why's, all the scenarios. I often need to let things "wash over me". Gradually this new information-- this new "thing"-- shuffles it's way through my cerebral files and surfaces as a thought, an understanding or action. So that's where I am these days...processing...a lot.

I'm hoping that I'll have some exciting things to share after the women's retreat and will be eager to report what God accomplished over the weekend. But for now...I'm working through stuff. Creativity stuff. Worship and creativity stuff. Leadership, worship and creativity stuff. Ministry, leadership, worship and creativity stuff. Okay, its the, "God, I believe you've created me with passion and drive, but what is my purpose? How can you use all these components and what do you want to do with them?" - stuff. (Here I am...processing!)

I guess that's it. I feel that I'm in an intense "preparation" mode right now...not just for the weekend at the women's retreat...but something more long term, more specific, only I don't know what that is. This "something" is fully encompassing...beyond being a wife and mother, floral designer or part-time clerical helper...but something that is fully "me" when I'm fully being filled with Him. Some of you will understand this or be able to relate it to something in your own lives. It is that same sense I have when I'm worshiping and singing...that is when I feel most like the "me" I was created to be. And it isn't a performance thing...I'm very "average" in the singing department and have a limited range...it is in the "being". Free, released, real.

Anyway, this process I'm in right now is kind of exciting and exhilarating....but unclear. It is a "sense" I have that something is around the corner. Have you experienced that kind of anticipation ...that hopeful feeling? It's like standing on the doorstep of a house where there's a party happening inside, knowing that soon the door will be opened and you'll be invited in. It's that kind of anticipation; that kind of presence of His Spirit.

So here I am, sharing random processing thoughts. This is where I am these days. Working at being still so God can be in control and move, and wanting to move so God can direct my paths.