Duck, Duck, Odd Duck--Part 4: Conclusions

I've always had a strong dislike of personality tests, or inventories, or skills tests, or whatever you want to call them. It is part of my rebellious streak that resists the idea of being "evaluated". The idea that some "professional" or statistician with a series of numbers and traits corresponding to the quantity of responses given to the affirmative, which fall within the median scope of the general populous, which when factoring in the control number of x and.....

You get the idea. I'm me. How can someone I've never met, who hasn't talked to me and knows nothing about me, tell me what my personality traits are, or what my strengths are? There is something so...impersonal...about it. I tend to want to discuss the questions--and my answers to those questions--with the test itself! For example, I may pose the question, 'so what are the circimstances I'm faced with in this particular scenario? Is this before or after I had children? Why do I have to pick just one color? Don't you know that combining colors is much more appealing to the eye?' and on and on. And then of course, I want the opportunity to give explanation to my answers.

Oddly enough a "personality test" was just the tool that the Lord used to set me on the path to knowing myself better and continuing to free me from the grips of the odd duck. I went to a women's retreat from church early on in my process. "Coincidentally" the speaker had all the attendees take a Meiers-Briggs Personality Inventory. I was actually intrigued. Her goal for the weekend was that we would know ourselves better and know one another better as well--appreciating the similarities, and loving the differences. My results for the inventory didn't tell me anything I didn't know, but rather it confirmed what I knew to be true of myself-- which somehow strengthened me. My "type" was right there in black and white. 'I'm a type'! Wow! I found new appreciation of who I was, and my appreciation for the inventory grew a wee bit. Maybe these personality test aren't all that bad afterall.

Next, the speaker had us get into groups by "type". She had us make some observations. Looking around the room, what was most noticeable to all the groups, including my fellow "group-ies" and me, was that "our" group contained the least amount of people! We were feeling quite "elite". Our group was comprised of intuitive types who were much more interpersonally motivated, creative, unstructured and visionaries at heart. We were the "what if" gals. "Possibilities" would make us salivate. The largest group was made up of women who were almost our complete opposites. Hmmm.

It got more interesting. The speaker noted that this is a fair representation of what our churches look like in their makeup of personalities. The largest group represented in "the church" is the one that is more outspoken and thinks their view of things is the "right" one; they are more task oriented, more administrative or up front leaders and systematic in thinking. She pointed out the obvious imbalance, noting that all the "groups" of personalities need each other. We balance each other out, and all are key elements in the running and operating of a church and it's ministries. But, unfortunately, churches tend to utulize only the predominate or largest group "type" and can overlook the smaller group and their strengths, not utilizing a group that could be a real asset to the church. (I'll do a blog all about this at some point. I have a lot of "feelings" about this!)

Aahh, another light bulb moment. I realized this is where a lot of self-doubt developed in me, especially as it pertained to being a member of a church. For too long I had listened to others who weren't my personality type, who functioned totally different than I did, tell me what was what--what my gifts were, what my abilities were, what acts of service I would best be suited for, etc. I didn't trust myself to know these things inherently. When my "gut" didn't agree with what they were saying, or intuitively I was getting all the wrong "vibes" from this person, I would shut those signals off, and give credence to what they were saying because, afterall, they had the majority on their side and had a consensus. On occasion, I will lapse into this sensation of odd duck-ness at church. "It" is still lurking, and I still have those times of feeling out of place or on the fringe. I'm convinced my "type" is still a minority in the church, but I remind myself that it isn't always true that those that quack the loudest are always right. I'm much more interested in being obedient to the Lord, than falling in line with the majority. Sometimes they coincide, and other times they don't. If anything, that feeling of being an odd-duck has strengthened my resolve to stay focused on what God is doing and listen to Him only.

So, this inventory was the first that I felt validated in who I was. I just felt so affirmed in that who I was, was okay. God did create me with a purpose and a plan. He didn't make a mistake in creating me after all. And all those intuitive things going on are real...I'm not a mental case...at least not most of the time! That gut feeling I get...that's the Holy Spirit getting my attention. It's all part of my make up and I don't have to apologize for that.

Throughout the years I've continued "assessing" myself, getting to know me better. Most recently I just finished the popular "Living your Strengths" inventory. Again, not surprised by the results, but affirmed and encouraged to use those strengths to glorify God.

Things I've learned about being an Odd Duck:
* At times I'm confronted by those old odd duck feelings, but they only have as much power as I allow them to have. I'm no longer paralyzed by them.
* It is important to always stand in truth. God's truth; truth about my weaknesses and strengths; truth about unconfessed sin in my life; truth about things I need to be repentant of.
* I am in process and always will be. I will never "arrive". There is great freedom in that. It lessens the tendancy to "perform", and allows me to be forgiving towards myself.
* Being created in the image of God, I find great comfort in knowing that God understands me. I can be 'fully me' with God and I don't have to explain everything. He "gets" me.
* Only God's opinion of me matters. He is the only one I want to please and in focusing on him, I am freed up to love others much more freely.
* God can continue to make me into whomever he wishes. He can develop any trait, gifting, strength or ability and use it as he sees fit as I surrender myself to Him daily. He can be glorified just by me being fully me, being fully reliant on Him.
* There will always be someone or some group wanting to put me in a nice neat little box with a bow, or they will tell me I must color inside the lines if I'm going to do it right. I know I don't have to be boxed, or color just like them; but I can also be gracious in declining 'box-dom' and coloring lessons understanding that others are in process also.
*And finally, I remember God doesn't live in a box and He colors outside of the lines.