Early Morning Coffee with God

It's early morning, again. Another middle of the night wake-up call. Unfortunately, this is not unfamiliar. I guess what others might call insomnia or perhaps too much caffeine during the day is something I have come to recognize as morning conversations with God. It is not unusual for God to 'call me' during the night. ( I fear I just lost a good percentage of you on the grounds that you have concluded I'm a total loon! Hang in there with me...) Some of His most profound work in me has happened during the wee morning hours as others sleep. Evidently this must be the time I'm most still and I can hear Him the loudest! It isn't as if some kind of trumpet goes off in my head or an alarm with the sound of harps suddenly plays. No, it is just a sudden awakening (literally). I'll be sleeping soundly and then, I'm awake. Very awake--we're talking alert and feeling fully rested--awake!

There is another side to these early morning risings. I've recognized that the Holy Spirit is not the only spirit working at this time of day. I have had early morning assaults from the enemy as well. This can be prime time for him to weasel his way into my mind and stir things up while my defenses are down and my armor is stowed for the night. I try to be diligent about praying for protection over my mind at night...But sometimes I forget.

This morning I woke up with my heart pounding and a sensation of fear overwhelming me. Hmm, I knew where this is coming from. I wish I could tell you that I immediately began praying and seeking the Lord's protection and peace, but no, my first thoughts were, "Oh, great, I'm going to be so tired in the morning and dragging through work all day." Then, I began giving attention to these feelings of fear and worry that were blanketing my mind. Logically, as I thought through all of the things happening in my life right now, I thought to myself, "I have reason to be concerned, or worried, even fearful. So many things are out of my control. There are so many 'what ifs' right now and at any given time I might just go over the edge!"

As I continued laying there, pondering, I began talking to God about these things. Primarily, selfishly, I first asked that He would just help me go back to sleep. Nope, that wasn't happening. Okay, then 'how about just quieting my mind and my spirit so I can drift off and stop thinking about things?' Nope. And then, a single word was impressed on my brain.

Faith.

"UGH! Not faith! UGH again! Okay, Lord, so you're telling me that this will require something of me? More work? I'm tired of working at life!"

Well, needless to say, the impulses in my brain began firing, bringing me to this point of being fully awake at 4 in the morning, knowing my alarm will be going off in about two hours to mark the start of my day. But, I can't shake this prompting that I think God wants me to share this with all of you. Perhaps it will be an encouragement to some, or a reminder, or an assurance.

After that singular word was in my mind, it was quickly followed up with the scripture that says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1 (I had to look up the reference...that was not impressed upon me!) Then immediately after that, a second passage came, one that we're probably familiar with:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

What the Lord showed me is this. We are called to walk by faith all the time. Not just when things make sense, or look like they'll 'work out', or especially when we can have a hand in the outcome and contribute to the results. All those "what ifs" are prime candidates for faith.

And living by faith isn't wishy-washy. It isn't conditional. When He uses words like "sure" and "certain" this requires my wholehearted conviction, my intimate understanding of who He is. Do I really believe God is who he says He is? Do I believe everything He says is true? Do I really mean it that He is Lord of my life? Do I trust Him? Can and will the Holy Spirit really guide me and show me where to go?

I don't just "have" faith. (Maybe those who have faith as their spiritual gifting do just have it?) For me, it's work. It's an action, a decision which requires exercise and discipline. Living by faith is a daily, moment by moment choice. I can choose to believe God's written word is relevant, alive and real, and I can choose to see God's obvious work and continued faithfulness in my life as reasons to continue having faith; Or I can choose to think that this time the giant is a few inches too tall, the sea is too large to part, and the stone is too heavy to roll away.

Having joy in all the stuff of life is a challenge. I struggle with it. At times it is hard not to feel overwhelmed. But "joy" is not an emotional, 'boy this feels great', or a coerced, 'I'd-better- be-joyful-in-this-or-else-I'll-have-to-repeat-this-lesson' state of mind. Again, joy is a choice and takes work. Like faith, joy requires conviction. It is intentionally trusting, having faith, that God is at work even in the midst of all the hard things of life. This is our hope. A "knowing" that brings peace and stability when our footing is so unsure. I can be glad--have "joy"--because it is in those circumstances when my faith is being stretched and I feel like I'm gong where 'no man (woman) has gone before'; when I choose to believe what He says is real and true; when I am certain and sure of who He is--It is through these "trials" that I know Him more deeply, more personally and am that much more sure of who He is, that much more certain of what He is able to do and that much better equipped to handle the next round of "life" that comes my way.

So, in these early Monday morning hours, I may not feel joyful, and there may be a lot of circumstances telling me that "life" is difficult and worthy of worry and fear, but I'm going to choose faith. I'm choosing to consider my trials a joyful thing because I am certain my Lord is actively at work in the midst of them. I'm sure He's mindful of every circumstance and is asking me to trust Him. He wants to show me more of His amazing power, and grow me toward real life in Him that is not defined by my circumstances. He cares about me, (and you) intimately and couldn't wait until daylight to tell me so!